


In A Flash

by minnesotamemelord



Series: In My Life [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Age Difference, Bilingual, Bisexual Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Bisexuality, Cannoli - Freeform, Coming Out, Detectives, Dogs, Episode: s17e09 Depravity Standard, Español | Spanish, Family Drama, Gay, Gay Character, Gay Male Character, Green Eyes, Height Differences, Hispanic Character, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Italian-American Character, Law Enforcement, Law School, M/M, Meet the Family, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content, Non-Canon Relationship, Original Character(s), Past Rape/Non-con, Power Bottom, Pre-Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Quippy One-Liners, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, References to Law & Order (TV), SVU Secret Santa, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-17 07:37:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15456459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minnesotamemelord/pseuds/minnesotamemelord
Summary: Sonny Carisi has everything he wants: a family he loves, a job he adores, and friends who appreciate him. Rafael Barba is made up of 45% coffee, 45% sarcasm, and 10% legal advice.Oh, and they both have one other thing: a coworkers-with-benefits situation. After a rough few days for the both of them, 'blowing off steam' escalates into something more. Something bigger.Mangled and raped bodies have been turning up all over New York and the inhabitants are scared. Ten murders in ten weeks, all committed with the same knife, and still nobody has a clue who the killer is. All the victims are young, male Catholics suspected to be closeted gays, kidnapped and held until they're killed and their bodies are dumped in alleys and sewers. No good clues as to who's next, until a message is found carved into the most recent vic's chest. All it says is:SONNY'S NEXTThe victims all share a common description, one that fits Sonny Carisi perfectly.A fact that outs Carisi to his friends, coworkers, and familyA fact that sends both him and Barba to face their fears, themselves, and most of all, their families.





	1. Laws Of Love

When he saw the single lit room out the windows of the New York DA office, Rafael Barba sucked in a sharp breath. He could tell who it was before he even bothered to think about it. Who else could it be but the one person who had to study after class, which started at 8 o'clock p.m. three days a week, and had to use the DA's law library to do said studying? There was only one person. Carisi. Barba could see him clearly through the window, which was open despite the chilly November wind. Carisi had shed his jacket and vest and was hunched over his laptop, stacks of books surrounding him in a fortress. As quietly as possible, Barba went up the elevator and stepped out into the office, shuffling down the hall. All of a sudden, his node twitched, and he sneezed. He winced as he heard Carisi's voice carrying out of his open office door. The office was an empty one that used to belong to a paralegal that was on maternity leave, so Barba was allowing Carisi to use it for the time being. Now, a month later, he had several regrets.

"Yo! Barba! Can I get some help in here?" Barba groaned and pushed the door open merely a foot, leaning against the doorframe.

"What, Carisi?"

"I'm studying for a test on patent law, and-"

"Do I look like a patent lawyer to you, Fordham?"

Carisi folded his arms and raised an eyebrow at Barba. "You passed the bar, didn't you?"

"Yeah, and I got a 143.2 on it. But that was twenty years ago, and I've only done criminal law since then." Barba hesitated for a moment before relenting. "But fine, let me have a look at it." Carisi stood, offering Barba his chair. As Barba sat and peered down at the laptop, Carisi stood behind the chair, leaning his arms on the back of the chair. His lips brushed over the back of Barba's neck, leaving a trail of feather-light kisses all the way down to the very edge of Barba's shirt collar. Barba swiveled in the chair, turning to face Carisi. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Is it not obvious?" A tiny grin quirked up the edges of his mouth, revealing his charmingly crooked front teeth. "I'm seducing you." He wiggled his eyebrows comically. Barba sucked through his teeth.

"Well, don't. I've had a rough few days, Carisi."

Carisi settled against the windowsill across from Barba. "Isn't that all the more reason to give in to your, uh, urges." Carisi waggled his eyebrows again.

"Come on, Carisi, I'm just here to pick up some paperwork, and after that I have a date with some whiskey and that new Stephen King novel."

"Do you mean that cheap crap you buy from the liquor store? God, Barba, that stuff is just disgusting." Carisi's face matched his tone.

"Alcohol is alcohol, Carisi. And speaking of, I'm not coming to the office drunk tomorrow, so I have to go." Barba picked up his briefcase and headed for the door, hesitating as he reached the entry. He stopped, weighing his options, then turned around. "You coming, Sonny?" Carisi looked shocked, then smiled excitedly.

"Hell yeah, I'm coming with ya." Carisi picked up his own briefcase and jacket. "Let's blow this place."

 

The 6:45 alarm next to Carisi beeped as he lay there, in the same position he often had for the last couple of months. Barba's arm was draped across his waist, weighing down on Carisi. He wasn't asleep, though. Like most insomniacs with nothing better to do, he was overthinking. Specifically, last night. When Barba had called him Sonny. Barba called him a lot of things: Carisi, Fordham, Night School; but never Sonny. He hadn't thought much about it at the time, but since he didn't sleep much, he'd had a lot more time to think about it. Several times, he'd gotten up, pacing around his tiny apartment. He watched the stars burn bright, then disappear as the sun began to came up. Finally, he slid back in, tucking Barba's arm carefully back into the same place it had been earlier, his fingers brushing the fine, muscled curves along Carisi's stomach. Sonny knew if Barba realized that he had spent the entire night spooning Carisi, much like he had once or twice a week for two months, he would have left in a flash and never come back, but thankfully, Carisi always managed to convince him nothing happened. At first, Barba had refused to sleep over after they screwed, but relented once he realized Carisi would give him coffee for free, instead of paying a dollar for a cup before work and at his lunch break. Plus, Carisi had the good coffee, and as much as Barba liked to act like coffee was coffee and alcohol was alcohol, Carisi always had the good stuff, from Cuba. The same kind his mother used. He was pretty sure Carisi knew that and got it on purpose, but he wasn't about to complain.

Barba rolled over, lifting his arm off of Carisi's ribs. Quickly, as he did most mornings, Carisi shut his eyes and pretended to sleep. Barba opened his own eyes and glanced over at Carisi, who was clearly still awake.

" _Dios mío,_ Carisi, I can tell you're awake." Carisi opened his eyes to glare at Barba. "You're not a very good actor."

"Thanks, Barba. Coffee?" Carisi offered.

"Have I ever said no to that?" Despite the considerable height difference between the two, Carisi still felt like Barba was looking down at him. It was kind of sexy.

"Ahright, I'll see what I can do." Carisi climbed out of bed and pulled on a pair of thin sweatpants from his dresser. "Mocha, heavy on the chocolate?"

"That's the one." Barba clicked his tongue.

"Such a damn sweet tooth. Surprising from such a salty person."

"Hilarious, Fordham. Just get the caffeine." Barba waved Carisi out of the room and went to grab his clothes from the last night. As he slid on his vest and tie, Carisi's tricolor corgi, Kenny, bounded in and sprinted around Barba's feet. Barba, who was usually not a dog person, adored Kenny. "Hi, bud! Who's a good boy?" Barba scratched behind Kenny's ears. Smelling coffee and chocolate, he picked up Kenny and followed his nose out of the room. Wordlessly, he picked up the Redi-Whip topped mug from the counter and downed half of it in one go.

"Damn, slow down, Barba. That literally just came out of the pot. And if you burn your tongue, it'll be one helluva lot harder to do that, uh, thing you did last night." Carisi wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Careful, or you'll scar Kenny for life." Barba chugged the last of the coffee. "I have to go, I have to change. I'll see you later, Carisi."

"Oh, I'll walk you out. My new neighbor's cat likes to wander the halls, and you're allergic, so I'll just see if Mindy let her out."

"...Right." Kenny trailed behind Carisi, and Barba behind Kenny. These goodbyes were almost always awkward, because how do you say goodbye to someone you just had angry, stress-relieving, mind-blowing sex with? Barba decided on a concise nod, and as he turned to leave, he was stopped by a hand around his wrist. Carisi spun Barba around to face him, and leaned down to press his lips to Barba's softly, yet fiercely. Barba leaned into him, wrapping one hand around Carisi's bare back. Goosebumps appeared under Barba's chilly hands, and his knee bent, pushing him forward into Carisi. Eventually, he broke off, breathing heavily. "What the hell was that, Carisi?" Carisi shrugged, all of his usual boldness gone.

"I don't know."

"Wh-what don't you know? What do you think this is?" Barba's words were no longer measured or calculated, but stuttered and shocked.

"I...I don't know. I'll see you later, Barba." Puzzled, Barba stepped back, and Carisi shut the door with a brief wave.

"What the hell was that?" Barba muttered to himself as he strode down the hallway. Meanwhile, Carisi slumped down against his door, Kenny poking at his legs.

"Damnit, Kenny. What's going on with me, huh?"


	2. No One

Carisi rolled in, as per his usual, late. Not by a lot, but a solid fifteen minutes. Luckily for him, nobody was paying that much attention to him. Everyone was either gone, or their attention was directed at the TV, where the morning news was on, and a dead body was on the screen. He showed up just in time to hear the story.

 _"A 31-year-old male named Jason Gutierrez was found dead in an alleyway off 16th Street early this morning. He is the third in what is now a series of young men killed in a similar manner, with knife wounds across most of their major arteries. In the medical examiner's preliminary observations, cause of death is blood loss."_ A pretty, peroxide-blonde reporter stood in front of a line of police tape. Carisi could see Benson and Fin in the background. Rollins stood to Carisi's left, eyes narrowed at the television.

"I guess this is what happens when you get in late."

"Ha, Carisi. They'll be back pretty soon. Until then, did you bring some of those cannolis with you?” Carisi pulled out a white box and flipped the lid off. Rollins pulled a pastry out of the box. “So, how was your night.”

”Oh, you know, just a-a regular night. Just Kenny and I,” Carisi stuttered.

"Sure..." Rollins looked at him strangely, but didn't seem too interested in investigating further. A half hour or so later, Fin and Olivia returned.

"Carisi, Rollins, put together a profile on Gutierrez, compare it to the two other vics. See what similarities you can find between them. People they might have had contact with, places they went, etcetera," Benson called as she walked through the glass double doors. "I want to find out who's killing these guys and why. Is it random, or are they all people the killer had a grudge against?"

"Got it, boss." Carisi typed a few quick words into his computer. "Social media says he's a bartender at some place called _La Puerta Roja._ I've been there. It's a real dive. Mostly regular customers, and by regulars I mean day drinkers who are there from nine to five, five days a week. It also pulls up a girlfriend, one Hailey Quiroz. We'll check the bar, then the girlfriend." He stood up to put on his jacket. "You comin', Rollins?" Rollins nodded and followed suit.

 _La Puerta Roja_ was indeed a dive bar, and was just how Carisi described it. A windowless room, with cracked, dim light fixtures hanging from the ceiling, and several elderly Hispanic men sitting at the bar. They looked like they'd already been there a while. Rollins and Carisi approached the bartender, a young woman who was probably pretty, but it was too dark to tell.

"Excuse me, ma'am. NYPD." Carisi flashed his badge at her.

"What do you want?" The bartender folded her arms and regarded him irritably.

"We just want to talk to you about one of your coworkers. Jason Gutierrez?" She nodded knowingly.

"I saw it on the news earlier. It really sucks. Jason was a nice guy." The bartender set down the glass she had been cleaning. "I'm Risa. What do you want to know?"

"Did you know Jason very well?" Rollins interjected.

"Yeah, I mean, we were friends. We hung out outside of work sometimes."

"Was there anyone with a grudge against him, maybe?"

"Not that I know of. He broke up a few bar fights now and then, but Jason was so huge that nobody ever wanted to try him."

"What about his girlfriend, Hailey?" Risa rolled her eyes at this.

"Hailey is a piece of work. She had Jason around her finger. Almost never let him out of her sight. I'm not kidding. She walked him to work every day, then came by when he was closing to walk home with him. She was always jealous of me, too. I think she thought I was trying to steal Jason from her." Risa sighed. "And she wasn't all wrong. Every time he complained about her, I told him, 'You deserve better. You could have better. With me.' He just laughed me off." Risa smiled sadly. "I couldn't have asked for a better friend. And no other person deserved less to die." Carisi nodded and patted her shoulder.

"I promise, we'll do whatever we can to catch the person who did this. Is there anything else you can tell us? Anything at all." Risa appeared to be contemplating her options, then she spoke again.

"There was another reason Jason wouldn't date me, and why he complained about Hailey so much. He never really told me, but I saw him a few times, when Hailey was out of town, soming out of a gay bar. Saváge. You know it?"

"I think so. Thanks for the help, Risa. Call this number if you think of anything else, okay?" Carisi scrawled out his work number on a cocktail napkin. As he and Rollins turned to leave, Rollins cocked an eyebrow.

"Do you ever stop?"

"Stop what?"

"The constant flirting? I don't think we've talked to a single woman under forty you haven't hit on." Carisi smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Are you okay, Sonny? You seem a little...off."

"Fine, I'm fine. Let's just go talk to the girlfriend. See if she knows anything about this gay bar." As they left, Carisi pulled out his cell phone. "I just gotta text someone real quick."

 

"Saváge? I know of it. Why?" Hailey Quiroz tossed her shiny ponytail over her shoulder.

"Well, Hailey, before he was murdered, your boyfriend was seen coming out of there a few times."

"So? Jason has a couple of gay friends. He was probably there with one of them. But trust me, that man knew his way around a woman's body in a way no gay guy could."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Carisi said, but before Rollins had a chance to respond, Hailey moved on.

"Besides, Jason went to church almost every Sunday. A very, _very,_ traditional church. With all the hellfire and brimstone crap. I don't believe any of it for a minute, but it was important to Jason. He went with his mama."

"If the church was so important to Jason, why did he have gay friends? Or premarital sex, for that matter?" Hailey shrugged.

"I guess he's more of the pick-and-choose type. But his mama? Oh, that woman is cah-razy. She told me I was going to hell for wearing a t-shirt. Just a plain white t-shirt."

"Alright, then. Just one more thing, did Jason have any enemies? Anyone who'd want to hurt him?" Hailey considered for a moment, then shook her head.

"Nah. Most people were scared of Jason. You already asked that slut from the bar, right?"

"Risa? Yeah, we talked to her. She said the same thing."

"Well, if she doesn't know, nobody does."

"Thank you for taking the time to speak with us, _Señorita_ Quiroz." Carisi nodded a goodbye and left, Rollins trailing behind him.

"That was a bust." She said as soon as the door was closed behind them.

"Not necessarily. I think our next stop should be that bar. I get a feeling Jason was leading some kind of secret double life." Rollins narrowed her eyes at Carisi.

"Double life, huh?"

"Now, what do you mean when you say it like that?"

"Nothing. Nothing, Carisi. Come on, let's go check out that bar."

 

Saváge was far from the inconspicuous block of _La Puerta Roja._ It was on the bottom floor of a towering glass skyscraper. A massive neon sign spelled out the club name in rainbow letters. The bar was almost completely empty, except for a man wiping the bar counter down. Rollins flashed him her badge as they walked inside.

"NYPD, I see. What can I do for you?" The bartender leaned over the bar, extending a broad hand. "I'm Jon. I own this place."

"Detective Rollins, SVU." Rollins shook his hand, and as she pulled away, she saw Carisi mouthing words to Jon. He recovered quickly when he saw Rollins looking at him, pretending to yawn.

"SVU? What's going on? Nobody said they got assaulted here, right? We try our hardest not to let that happen."

"No, not that. I don't know if you saw the news this morning, but a man named Jason Gutierrez was murdered. He was seen coming out of this bar a few times."

"Oh, yeah, I saw that. I knew I recognized him from somewhere." Rollins nodded.

"Really? Even though he wasn't in here that much?" Jon tapped the side of his head.

"I'm very good with faces."

"Any chance you recognize these two men?" Rollins pulled out photos of the other two men killed before Jason.

"Yeah, I do. They were like Jason. Not in here that much, stuck to themselves. The usual closeted type." Jon glanced at Carisi for a split second. "So they were all killed by the same person?"

"Sorry, Jon, can't discuss ongoing investigations. But as soon as we can, we'll let you know." Carisi shook Jon's hand.

"Thanks, guys. I'll let you know if I hear anything else." Carisi and Rollins left the silent bar.

"Hey, Carisi, are you sure you're okay?" Rollins squeezed Carisi's arm.

"Yeah, Rollins. I just have some stuff to figure out." Carisi wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Let's get back to the office. Tell Benson what we found."

 

"So all three men were at the same gay bar?"

"And they all attended the same church. St. Augustine. It's one of those fire-and-brimstone churches that thinks they're above everyone, and anyone who doesn't agree with them is going to hell. Including the gays."

"So that gives us possible motive. Killer's some self-righteous Jesus nut who thinks these guys are sullying the good name of the church, so they're killing them. Classic vigilantism," Benson offered.

"Sounds about right." Carisi nodded, tapping a pencil against the edge of the desk. His leg was shaking.

"You doing alright, Carisi? You seem a little nervous." Rollins reached out to pat his shoulder.

"Fine. So how do we catch this guy?"

"We check out St. Augustine. Carisi, Fin, you're up."

"Actually, I'm not so sure that's a good idea." Fin interrupted. "From what I've heard about St. Augustine, they're not exactly the most...tolerant community."

"Fine. Carisi, you're with me." Benson stood. "Anyone know what time their service on Thursday is?"

"Five."

"Alright. We'll go then, Carisi." He nodded. "So, what else do we have?"

"Well, the wounds have been analyzed, and traces of the same metal were found in all three vics. The combination of the wound type and metal traces leads us to believe that one of these knives was used to kill them." Rollins pulled up a photo of a short, wide knife with a black handle. "It's called the Razor. It's a self-defense knife. Only the company that manufactures them sells them. They've only been available for six months."

"What's the company called?"

"Baron Self Defense Inc."

"Fin, contact them, and get the names of everyone who's bought one of those. Cross-reference it with the list of St. Augustine attendees." Benson nodded at everyone. "I'm going to get going. I have to get Noah from daycare. Have a nice night, everyone." Slowly, the detectives left, trickling out of the office until only Carisi was left. Night school was off for the night, so he didn't have much to do. He pulled out his phone and opened his contacts, scrolling through them to find the one he wanted. ADA Rafael Barba. His thumb hovered over the call button.

"Come on, Sonny, just do it!" He said to himself. Before he knew what he was doing, he hit the call button and held the phone to his ear.

"This is the office of Assistant District Attorney Barba, how can I help you?"

"Hi, Carmen, this is Detective Carisi from SVU. Can I talk to Barba?"

"Sure." Hold music played briefly as Carisi waited.

"What's going on, Carisi?"

"I was just wondering if you're comin' over tonight."

"Tonight? I was just there last night, Carisi."

"So?"

There was a pause, then Barba said, "Okay. I'll meet you at your place in twenty."

"Cool, cool, I'll see you then."

 

Twenty minutes later, Carisi had torn off Barba's coat, vest, and tie (not literally, Barba would have murdered him), and was straddled over Barba, on the couch, his own shirt and tie long ago discarded. His fingers curled through Barba's thick black hair, and Barba's teeth scraped across his lower lip. His lips trailed across Carisi's jawline, all the way up so he could whisper in Carisi's ear.

"I want you, Sonny," Barba growled. All of a sudden, Carisi jerked back. "Carisi? You okay?" Carisi shrugged. "If you don't want to, I can go."

"No, it's just...why don't we ever go out to dinner first, or something? Y'know?"

"Carisi, what the hell? Where is this coming from?" Barba leaned back on the sofa. His mind raced through every reason why one simple sentence change so much.

"Nowhere, just-"

"What do you think this is? It's like this morning, what was that? What's going on with you? Has something changed?"

"No, nothing." Carisi hesitated. "Well, something."

"What?"

"You called me Sonny."

"Wait, what? That's it? Everyone calls you Sonny."

"Not you. Not ever you."

"So I called you by your nickname, and now you want a relationship? Are you even gay, Carisi? Or bi?" Carisi folded his arms and thought for a minute. Then he stood up, Kenny trailing behind him, and he walked out onto the balcony. Barba stayed sitting for a minute. He knew he'd hit a nerve, probably. In his job, it was his job to find people's weaknesses and exploit them. Unfortunately, it often made his personal life rather tricky. It was like a switch, one that he had a hard time turning off. He followed Carisi out onto the balcony and sat down in one of the green plastic patio chairs. The wind whipped his hair around, and Kenny nudged at his leg. "I'm sorry, Carisi. That was...it was unfair of me."

"Yeah, it was." Carisi's words were short and clipped.

"You don't have to say anything, just...what is it that you want? A-a relationship?" Carisi sighed and put his face in his hands.

"I'm not sure. All I know is that we were just coworkers, and then we had sex, just to blow off some steam, and then you called me Sonny, and I realized...I realized that I wanted to hear you call me Sonny. Just like that. All the time." Goosebumps spread across Carisi's bare chest. Barba sighed and rubbed a hand over his face.

"I...Sonny, I...I need some time." Barba stood. "I'll get my stuff." He moved to open the sliding door. "One more thing, Sonny. Whether you're gay, or bi, or if you're confused, it doesn't matter. You'll figure it out in your own time. If it's now, or in ten years, or thirty, or sixty. When you figure it out, you figure it out." With a nod, he shut the door behind him. He retrieved his tie, vest, and jacket from the floor in Carisi's living room. He hardly made it out the front door when his jaw started to wobble. He recognized this struggle, remembered it well. Only he was a teenager. And he had his mother to help him with it. To his knowledge, Carisi had no one. No one but him.


	3. Survival

"Liv?" Barba knocked on the frame of Benson's door.

"Rafael! I wasn't expecting you. We haven't found a suspect yet, so-"

"That's...not why I'm here. This is personal." Olivia cocked an eyebrow.

"Personal? We haven't talked personally in quite a while."

"I need some advice."

"Okay, well, I'll just grab my coat, and we can get some coffee." Barba yawned.

"I didn't have any coffee this morning."

"You didn't get any coffee? Yikes." Barba scoffed.

"Yikes is right. But I think I'd rather just talk here, if you don't mind." Barba sat down at the chair opposite Olivia's desk. "So there's a guy."

"Jesus, a guy? Rafa, there hasn't been 'a guy' in years. Elaborate, please." Olivia leaned in intently.

"Pot, meet kettle, Liv. Anyway, we're not dating, just...blowing off steam, stress relief. But last night, he came over, and just when things were getting..." Barba trailed off for a minute, considering. "you know, he bolted. Ran off. I went to talk to him, and..." Barba rubbed his chin. "He told me he...wants to be something more than just coworkers-with-benefits." The words had hardly left his mouth when Barba's eyes widened. "Oh my God, Olivia, please don't-"

"Coworkers? So I know who he is?"

"Yes, but I can't tell you. I won't do that to him. He's not out, and I refuse to take those options away from him."

"Fine. So let's take this hypothetical closeted coworker we're talking about. He's the one you need to talk to, since he's the one who wants to talk to you." Barba nodded.

"I was afraid you'd say that." Barba stood and turned to leave.

"Oh, and Barba? I do think I know who you're talking about. But I remember what you told me about your coming out. So I get it." Olivia squeezed his hand, and Barba turned and left. As he walked out of the office, he passed by Carisi's desk. Carisi sat with a cup of coffee in his hand, sipping introspectively. They made eye contact for a half second before Carisi turned away to look at his computer. Barba sighed and kept walking.

 

"Hey, Benson? We got another one!" Rollins called out from her desk.

"Where?" Olivia poked her head out of her office.

"Alley off of 26th."

"Okay. You and Fin go. Try to keep those hounds from the news as far from the scene as possible." The two of them dashed out the door. Lights and sirens flashed outside as they flew off in a cruiser.

 

"What do we got?" Fin asked, rolling on gloves.

"Body, same MO as the last three. At least as far as we can see. There might be more under the clothes." Rollins nodded.

"Let's get some pictures, then get this guy to the ME. And let's see if we can get an ID." Fin reached into the body's pants pocket.

"We got a wallet. Driver's license says the vic's name is Rusty Williams. Age thirty-five. Fits the description for the first three."

"Alright, let's get some pictures, and then get these clothes off." A few snaps later, Rollins pulled the vic's plaid flannel button-down away from his chest, and her eyes went wide. One bloody gloved hand went to her mouth.

"Rollins? Rollins, what is it?" Fin leaned over her shoulder and had a similar reaction. "Oh my God. We need to call Benson. Now."

"Excuse me, Detectives?" Rollins and Fin whirled around to run right into the same reporter from the scene the previous day. Followed by a cameraman. "Could I get a word with..." Her voice faltered as she saw the scene behind them. "Holy crap, Karl, turn on the camera. Now!"

"Please. Miss-"

"I'm Kerri Porter here with Good Morning, NYC, and we have just gotten a brand-new update on the series of rapes and murders that have terrorized New York. The most recent victim, who we don't have a name for yet, has one difference from the last three. He has a short message carved into his chest. All it says is-"

 

"-Sonny's next." Back at the office, Benson's eyes widened. Unconsciously, her hand drifted to Carisi's shoulder, who hadn't been paying attention, but was now watching, with abject terror on his face.

"We don't know who Sonny is, or what this means, but it makes this crime very different from the previous kills."

"Turn it off!" Benson called to one of the detectives across the room. The screen retained a neon glow for a minute, then went black. Carisi stared straight ahead, face still, and then his lower lip started to tremble. "Oh my God, Carisi." She rushed to him, kneeling in front of him. Her hands gripped his arms so hard her knuckles went white. "Carisi, please, stay with me. Calm down." His face turned red, and his eyes welled up. Olivia wrapped her arms around him, and he leaned into her, his shoulders shaking with sobs. "Shh, shh, it's okay."

A few minutes later, Rollins and Fin burst through the doors. "Sonny!" Rollins rushed to Carisi's side. "Sonny, I'm so sorry. I tried to keep them away." Wordlessly, Carisi nodded.

"Call Barba," Olivia whispered to Rollins.

"Barba? Why?"

"Just do it. _Now."_ Rollins looked Olivia up and down, but obliged. She called Barba's cell, rather than his office.

 

"Rollins? What's going on?" Barba picked up on the first ring.

"Have you seen the news?"

"Yeah, of course! How's Carisi?" He heard Rollins sigh on the other line.

"Not good. Liv told me to call you. God knows why."

"Damn it, Liv. I'm on my way, okay?"

"Okay. And, Barba?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did Liv tell me to call you?" There was a pause.

"You'll see. But right now, that's not what's important. Tell Liv I'll be there in ten." Before Rollins could respond, Barba hung up.

"I guess he's coming. He said he'll be here in ten. Does anybody want to tell me what the hell is going on?" Benson exhaled slowly.

"It's not my place to say. But I think when Barba gets here, you'll get some more insight."

 

"Where is he?" Barba stormed into the office, voice booming. "Where's Carisi?" Rollins said nothing, just pointed in the direction of Benson's office. Barba opened the door gradually, poking his head in to see Carisi sitting in one of the chairs across from Benson's desk. Olivia sat next to him, squeezing his hand. Carisi's face was covered by his arm, down on the desk top. When she saw him come in, Olivia stood.

"Rafa. Thanks for coming." Barba nodded. "I don't know what to do. I'll give you some time." Olivia stepped out of the office. Barba sat down in the now-empty chair next to Carisi. Hesitantly, he lifted his hand, placing it lightly on Carisi's back.

"You don't have to talk. Just know, I and everyone at SVU, we're here for you. And I understand not getting a choice in how or when to tell people about this. I didn't get a choice either." Barba leaned back and began to speak reluctantly. "When I was fifteen, a freshman in high school, there was a new kid at my school. His name was Juan De La Vega. He was everything. Handsome, funny, smart. He flirted with me, constantly. And I started flirting back. However, we went to a Catholic school. So when we got caught making out in the library, it was not good. For either of us. He told his parents that I came on to him, that he wanted no part of it. And they believed him. So did my parents. His parents pulled him out of school and they moved to Buffalo. My parents...my mother wasn't happy about it, of course, but my father...he was never a good person. Belittled and put down my mother and I constantly. But when I came out, he got violent. Started hitting me. Three years later, I got away, went to Harvard, never spoke to him again. But the words he said to me, I can still hear them. 'No son of mine is going to be some God damned faggot.'" Barba mimicked his father's Cuban accent perfectly. "The worst thing is...do you remember when my _abuelita_ died last year? My parents tried their hardest to cover up what happened. I was essentially grounded for the rest of high school. No dating, no dances, came home right after school. So they never told my _abuelita._ I was going to. But then I didn't want to make her life harder. And then she died. She always asked me, 'When are you going to bring home a nice girl? Someone to make it so you're not just living alone with that cat.' And I didn't have the heart to tell her it might be a boy, too." Barba bit the corner of his wobbling lip.

"Are you trying to make me feel better or not, Counselor?" Barba jumped. He hadn't even realized that Carisi had taken his head off the desk and was wiping his eyes. "Or are you just trying to freak me out even more?"

"No, I'm not trying to freak you out, Carisi. I'm reminding you that there are people that understand you."

"I know you do. And thank you." Carisi hung his head. "But I gotta figure out something to tell those people out there."

"This might be overstepping, but maybe tell them the truth. That's the best way for them to help you." Carisi nodded slowly and stood up.

"Thank you, Barba. For everything." He reached down to clasp Barba's hand, then let go and left the office, Barba following right behind him. "Hey, guys?" Everyone whipped around to face Carisi. "I think I got somethin' to say to you. I..." He looked over at Barba for a second, and then continued. "I think I know how the killer picked me. I went to Saváge, just a couple of nights. One of 'em must have been one of the nights our perp was our looking for vics. And I usually go to church at St. Sebastian's, over on Staten Island, but one day, after a case, I just popped over to St. Augustine's for mass. It was just a wrong place, wrong time situation." He looked out at the faces of his friends. "But I am gay. That I know. And this wasn't how or why I wanted to tell you, but it's what happened."

Fin was the first to speak. "Carisi, we've all had our experiences with gay people. And I'd say it's about damn time we actually had one on the team." Benson spoke next.

"We're going to do everything we can to protect you, Sonny. There'll be a detail on you, 24/7. We'll put you up in a hotel room for the time being, too."

"Yeah, don't worry about it. We've got you." Rollins gripped his shoulder.

"Thanks, guys, for being so understanding." Carisi started to relax into his chair, and then jerked up. "Oh my God, my parents. They're going to see this. My sisters, too." Barba put a hand on Carisi's other shoulder.

"You're going to be fine. You’re a survivor.”


	4. Family Feud

"Hey, hey, Carisi. It's going to be fine." Barba crouched in front of Carisi, holding him by the shoulders. "You're going to be okay." Carisi continued to hyperventilate.

"No, Barba, it isn't. My parents are catholic with a capital C."

"Have they seen the news yet?"

"No, they don't watch the morning news. They always watch the eleven o'clock."

"So you have some time to get in front of this. I know it's not ideal, but you have some control over how you tell them."

"You can't make it to Staten Island, Carisi. We're going to put you up in a hotel room for the time being. It's too dangerous to leave the island, though," Benson interjected.

"Fine, so you FaceTime them." Barba patted Carisi's shoulder comfortingly. Carisi bit his lip and thought for a minute.

"Can...can you do it with me, Barba? Just be there?" Barba, shocked, looked back at Benson, then at Carisi.

"Yeah, Carisi. Just...why me?"

"You're the only person I know who's ever been through anything like this." Barba nodded reluctantly.

"Sure. Let's get you and your stuff out of your apartment, first."

 

One rented U-Haul and 4-star hotel suite later, Carisi sat at the desk in one corner, his laptop open. Barba sat in an armchair next to the desk, not visible to the webcam. They shared a quick glance, and Carisi hit the call button. The laptop speaker rang two and a half times, and then a picture popped up on the screen. From his seat, Barba could see two people, a woman and a man. The woman had Carisi's pale blue-green eyes, and the man had Carisi's sharp, angular features.

"Hey, Ma," Carisi said, with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Dad."

"Sonny, we haven't heard from you for so long! I was starting to worry." Mrs. Carisi's voice carried the same Staten Island accent as Carisi's.

"Yeah, Ma, I'm sorry about that. Listen, I have something kinda important to tell you."

"Oh, hold on, Sonny, let me call Teresa and Gina."

"They're home? Oh, Mom, you don't have to-" But she was already calling out.

"Teresa! Gina! Get in here, it's Sonny!" There was the sound of footsteps on the hardwood floor, then two women who looked like shorter, female clones of Carisi appeared onscreen.

"Hey, Sonny! How's it going?" The younger one asked.

"Um, fine. I, uh, I have to tell you guys something." The older of his two sisters looked him up and down.

"What's going on, Sonny?"

"I, uh, I gotta tell you guys something. Um, on the news tonight, you're going to see something. About me."

"Sonny, what's going on?" His father spoke for the first time.

"Well, uh, I, uh...you know those bodies that have been turning up? All carved up?"

"Oh, those poor boys." Mrs. Carisi nodded sympathetically.

"Yeah, well, Ma, the last one, the one that was found this morning, he was...different. He had a message carved into his chest. It said...Sonny's next. Meaning me."

"Sonny, how could it mean you? The news said all those boys were...well, that they were gay."

Carisi just nodded.

"What does that mean? Sonny, just tell us what's going on! I just-" His mom sighed exasperatedly. "I don't understand!" Gina put a hand on her mother's arm.

"Mom. Please." The two women stared at each other for a minute, and Carisi, worried, looked up at Barba. Unfortunately, it was long enough that his mother noticed.

"Sonny, who's there with you? Your...boyfriend?" She practically had to spit out the last word, and Carisi looked like he'd been punched in the gut.

"No, ma'am, I'm Assistant District Attorney Rafael Barba. I've been helping your son study for his bar exam." Barba said as he leaned into the frame.

"Please, just call me Viviana. And why are you here for...this?"

"I'm the only one who can relate to what Sonny's going through. My experience, obviously, was very different, but had similar results. I had to come out to my family in a way I didn't want to, too. I'm just trying to help your son, Mrs- Viviana."

"Thank you, Mr. Barba, but I'd like to speak to my son. Sonny, are you...safe? Are you going to be okay?"

"I think so, Ma. I've been moved out of my apartment, and I have a police detail on me twenty-four, seven. I'll be okay."

"Okay, Sonny." As Viviana reached for the End Call button, Carisi called out to stop her.

"Wait! Ma, what...what about that other thing?" Viviana shrugged.

"I don't know, Sonny. You used to be such a good, catholic boy. You wanted to be a priest. But now, now you're not that boy anymore. I don't know who you are." She stood up. "I'll let you talk to your sisters." She set down the laptop and left. The remaining three stared at Carisi in silence before his father spoke again.

"I'd better check on her. But, Sonny?"

"Yeah, Dad?"

"Your mom loves you. I love you. And contrary to what some other people might say, God loves you. Never forget that. Stay safe, buddy." And with that, his father left too. Now it was just his sisters. Barba was truly struck by how similar they all looked. Teresa was the oldest, and Gina was just younger than Sonny, but they all had the same prematurely graying brown hair and narrow Italian features.

"Hey, Sonny, can I ask you something?" Gina spoke up after a brief pause. "You too, ADA Barba." Barba leaned forward again.

"What's up, Gina?" The youngest Carisi bit her lip.

"How...how do you know, y'know?"

Barba and Carisi shared a long look.

"It's like...you don't know until you've tried it." Gina looked at the two of them meaningfully, but said nothing.

"Sonny, Mom'll come around. It's just going to take time. Stay safe, okay? I love you."

"Love you, too, Genie. You too, Teenie." His sisters giggled.

"You haven't called us Teenie and Genie since you were in about sixth grade. You're going to be okay, Sonny. We love you." Teresa blew him a kiss and then shut the laptop. Carisi turned to Barba, his eyes rimmed in red. His jaw trembled, and without thinking, Barba pulled him in for a tight hug. 

"I'm so proud of you. You had the courage to tell your entire family. I couldn't even tell my _abuelita_." Carisi's shoulders shook.

"This is too hard, Barba. I investigate this kind of stuff every day, but it's a whole other thing to be the victim." Tears spilled out onto Barba's jacket.

"It's not too hard. I'm going to go back to NYPD. See if they have any leads. Just stay here. Try to relax." Carisi chuckled.

"Relax. Sure." Barba squeezed Carisi's hand one last lingering time and left. Carisi flopped backwards on the bed. "Relax."


	5. Blank

"Liv?" Barba had hardly left Carisi's hotel room before pulling out his phone to call Benson.

"Hey, Rafa. How's Sonny?"

"Better. His mom didn't take it quite so well, but I think overall, he's doing better. We'll see. Any updates? Do you know why the killer left a message this time? Or have any new leads as to who it is?"

"Maybe. Rollins is looking into it. It does look like the same knife, though. We found traces of the previous victims' blood in the wounds, so we know the same knife was used for this vic as well as the last one. And speaking of, this vic fits the MO. Found him on the footage from Saváge, and the footage at St. Augustine."

"So we don't know why the killer let us know who he was going after?"

"No, we don't. But we do know he was targeting Sonny. We found him on the security cam and the club and the church. It's him." Barba sighed.

"Damnit."

"Yeah, it's frustrating. But I promise you, we will find this guy, and we'll make sure he doesn't lay a damn hand on Sonny."

"Thank you."

"In the meantime, you want to meet for a drink or two after work?"

"Yeah, sure, Liv."

"And Barba?"

"Yeah?"

"It was Carisi, wasn't it? From this morning?" Barba was silent for a minute, then spoke.

"Yes. But my problems aren't important anymore. We just have to keep Sonny safe. That's all that matters."

"You know, Barba, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you had a little bit of a crush on Carisi."

"I'm a 44-year-old ADA. I don't have 'crushes', Liv."

"Whatever you say, Rafa. I'll see you in a few hours."

 

True to her word, and always punctual, Olivia met Barba at a quiet bar. He was already working on his first Irish coffee (his drink of choice because it combined coffee, sugar, and alcohol), which spread a grin across Liv's face. She ordered a glass of wine and sat down quietly next to Barba.

"So..."

"I don't want to talk about it, Liv."

"Well, if you didn't want to talk about it, you wouldn't have met me." Barba frowned and took a sip of his coffee. "Come on, Rafa. Talk to me."

"Fine, Liv. Fine."

"So...Carisi?" Barba groaned.

"Yeah, Carisi."

"Why him? I mean, when did you get together?"

"After the Rudnick case. Two months ago. I was giving him some advice on the bar, and we just...you know? We didn't really talk about it, I think we both just figured it was to blow off steam. Relieve stress."

Benson swallowed the last of her wine and nodded pensively. "So now he wants...what? A relationship? To be your boyfriend?"

"I don't know. I didn't bother to ask. I just bolted."

"But what do you want, Raf? I mean, I know this is a weird situation, and I know you don't want to make it about you, but you do get a say. Even right now." Barba coughed and downed his drink.

"Again, I don't know. I hadn't thought about it until now. Sonny's a nice kid, but he's just that. A kid."  
"He's ten years younger than you, even though he seems younger. But he's almost forty. Let him decide what he wants, and make a decision based on this." Olivia pointed to his heart. "He's not a kid any more than you are, Rafa."

"I hate it when you're right," groaned Barba.

"That's unfortunate, because I'm right most of the time." They chuckled quietly, and Olivia signaled for another round of drinks. "Look, Raf, we've been friends for while, wouldn't you say?"

"Sure."

"Okay, if there's one thing I've learned about you, it's that you don't tell people things easily. We were friends for what, three years? Before you told me about your father. But you told Carisi about your father after a year and a half. That means something." Barba nodded, then looked puzzled.

"How did you know I told Carisi about my dad?" Benson grinned.

"The walls of my office aren't that thick."

"That explains a lot." Barba laughed. "Thanks, Liv."

"So you know what you're going to do?" Barba shrugged.

"No. Hopefully the answer's at the bottom of this glass." Benson patted Barba's shoulder and dropped a twenty on the bar.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Rafa. Try to relax, okay?"

"Okay." Benson left, and Barba took a gulp of his Irish coffee.

 

About two hours and 4 more drinks later, Barba stood up, wavering slightly. He had never been a man who could hold his alcohol well. He stumbled out the door of the bar, bracing himself as the wind whipped his usually neat hair around his head. He hailed a cab and slid into the backseat. "Hotel Di Lucio, please." Fortunately, he managed to keep his words from slurring. When the cabbie reached the hotel, Barba handed the driver a twenty.

"Sir, you owe me four dollars."

"Eh." Barba shrugged. "Keep the change." The cab sped off before Barba could change his mind, and he straightened his posture, striding through the hotel lobby with as much purpose as he could muster. Even through his inebriation, Barba remembered exactly what room number Carisi was in, 670. He pushed the 6th floor button in the elevator. He had a plan. Well, part of a plan. Well, the beginnings of a plan. He would go up to Carisi's hotel room and sit down, tell Carisi that he liked him, and then screw his brains out. It was not a good plan, or a well-thought-out plan, or even a decent plan. Then again, most drunken plans are not. The elevator bell dinged as he reached the sixth floor, and Barba shuffled down the hallway, turning down the hallway that held Carisi's room. When he arrived at room 670, he reeled backwards, heart rate spiking. Three security guards lay on the floor, faces bloodied and bruised. The simple white door was ajar, barely two or three inches, but enough for Barba to see into the room, Furniture was overturned and destroyed. Glass shards from several lamps littered the carpet. Worst of all, a long, bloody streak was painted across one of the white walls. Barba shoved open the door, looking around wildly at the wrecked hotel room. 

"Oh my God." A hand went to cover his mouth. "Oh my God, Sonny!" He raced out the door, down the stairs, and then down the icy sidewalk towards Olivia's apartment building. He hit the buzzer repeatedly. "Come on, Liv, wake up!" Eventually, the door unlocked, and Barba sprinted upstairs. He practically crashed through Olivia's front door.

"Raf? What's going on?" Barba was bent over, breathing heavily.

"He's...he's gone..."

"What? Who's gone?"

"Sonny- he's gone! His-his hotel room was trashed, the security detailed was knocked out cold. He's gone, Liv!" She nodded and pulled him in for a tight hug.

"Let's get you a cup of coffee. Sober you up." She made and poured a slightly chipped mug of coffee and slid it across the counter.

"Okay, slow down. From the beginning." Barba took a deep breath and started to speak.

"I was going over to Sonny's hotel to check on him, but when I got there, the door was open, the cops had the stuffing beaten out of them, the room was absolutely trashed. And there was..." He gulped the coffee down quickly and kept talking. "There was blood, on the walls. Lots of it."

"Damn it! He should have been safe there. We checked him in under John Doe, put some of our best guys on him, and we've been looking everywhere for this guy." Olivia grabbed her coat and her phone.

"Liv, what are you doing? It's two in the morning."

"Well, the longer we wait, the worse it's going to be for Sonny. I'll just pay Lucy a little more this time." Olivia made a quick call to Lucy, and she and Barba hailed a cab to NYPD.

"Is he going to be alright, Liv?" Olivia sighed and shrugged.

"I don't know, Raf. But I'm going to try my hardest to make sure he's as alright as possible."


	6. Any Cost

"Benson? Barba? What's going on?" Rollins stormed through the door, Fin in tow, later that morning.

"Sonny's missing," Olivia said without looking up from the papers spread across her desk.

"Missing? What do you mean, 'missing?'" Barba filled them in on the situation.

"So what are we looking for?"

"Anyone that was at Saváge and St. Augustine the same days Carisi was there. Lucky for us, Saváge has security cameras inside and outside, and St. Augustine requires their attendees to sign in. So we just have to use facial recognition to match the faces to the names." Benson groaned. "We've been here since 2:30, and not a single match other than our previous vics."

"Have we figured out why they warned Sonny yet?''

"No, but I have an idea. If it was someone that knows Sonny, someone who's met him before, they might have been a little more confident with this kill, so they might try to enjoy the 'thrill of the chase' a little bit more."

"So we're looking for someone that knows Sonny, and was at both places?"

"Bingo." Barba stirred his coffee.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay." Rollins patted Barba's shoulder.

"It'd better be. He didn't deserve to have this happen to him."

"No, he didn't. But we're going to get him back."

"Hey, guys?" Fin held up a couple sheet of paper. "I think I got something. What if it weren't just one person, but two people working together?" He circled a face on each sheet of paper. "Risa Solano and Jon Warren. Risa worked with Jason at _La Puerta Roja_ , and Jon owns Saváge. I bet you, if we check _La Puerta Roja's_ security footage and the St. Augustine sign-in, we'll find the vics at the bar and Jon and Risa at the church."

"Nice going, Fin, can you look through that footage? Rollins, you can come with me to check out the church. Let's find these people!"

 

St. Augustine was filled with people, mostly old and white, not unusual for an 11 o'clock Thursday service, and Rollins and Benson were able to slip in the back. The priest rambled on for an hour about traditional Catholic values, interspersed with annoyed looks between Rollins and Benson. After the service, as the usual patrons slipped into the courtyard for doughnuts and coffee, Olivia and Amanda walked up to the priest.

"Father Lucas Franklin? Lieutenant Benson and Detective Rollins, SVU. We'd like to ask you a few questions."

"Of course, officers. What can I help you with?"

"Do you know these people?" Rollins held up a pair of security cam photos, one of Jon, and the other of Risa.

"Yes, Risa and Jon. They're in here pretty often. Most Sundays at eleven."

"Were you aware that Jon Warren owns the gay bar Saváge?"

"I was not aware of that fact. Generally, we do not...encourage homosexuality in this church."

"Have you ever seen Risa and Jon speaking to each other?"

"Yes, of course. They often came together."

"Thank you, Father." As Rollins and Benson turned to leave, Father Lucas called out to them.

"Wait, one more thing! Jon, he...he was always a very devout man. He's been coming to St. Augustine since he was a young boy. Are you 100% sure about him?"

"We'll have to see, Father. Thank you for your cooperation."

 

"Lieutenant, I found 'em. All four vics. Including Sonny on the day he and Rollins went to interview Risa."

"That's...I don't want to say great, but helpful. Thanks, Fin. Now, somebody's gotta go talk to Jon and Risa. Rollins and Fin, find Risa. Barba, come with me. I'm not leaving you alone here."

"I'm not five, Liv." Barba looked down at the mountain of whipped cream on his coffee. "Mostly."

"Suit yourself. I'll fill you in when I get back." Olivia wrapped her arms around him. "We're going to get them. Whoever they are."

 

"Mr. Warren? Lieutenant Benson, SVU." Olivia held out her badge.

"Nice to meet you, Lieutenant. Yes, I'm Jon Warren. How can I help?"

"Mr. Warren, do you attend St. Augustine catholic church?"

"Oh, um...do we have to talk about this here?"

"We can talk about it down at the station, if you like." Jon narrowed his eyes at Olivia.

"Am I under arrest, Lieutenant?"

"Not yet, Mr. Warren."

 

At the station, Benson sat across from Jon in one of the interrogation rooms. Barba and Rollins watched through the glass.

"So, Mr. War-"

"Jon, please."

"Okay, Jon. Jon, do you attend St. Augustine catholic church?"

"I own a gay bar, do I look like I attend a conservative catholic church?"

"Well, according to the sign-in sheet at the church, yes. So I'll ask again."

"Yes, I...I do. But it's not what you think."

"So, what is it?"

"I'm trying to take down the church from the inside. I'm changing the peoples' minds."

"Really? Do you know Risa Solano?"

"Yeah, she's helping me. She, uh, she was a friend of that last vic, wasn't she? Jason?"

"Yeah. So you and Risa are trying to change the minds of the catholic church?"

"We are. We know it's hard, but we truly think we can make a difference."

"Tell me, do you own any self-defense weapons? Mace, knives, anything like that?"

"I used to. I had just a little knife in the bar, just in case some gay-bashers tried to start a fight. I lost it, though. Somebody must have stolen it."

"Uh-huh. And what kind of knife was it?"

"A Tempar Razor."

"Okay, great. Jon Warren, you're under arrest for the kidnapping, rape, and muder of Jason Gutierrez, Daniel Lorens, and Derek Patton, and the kidnapping of Dominick Carisi Jr. You have the right to remain silent..." Benson stood to slap cuffs on Jon's wrists.

"We got him." Barba turned to Rollins, and the relief in his eyes was clear. "We did it."

"We still have to get Risa."

"Not a problem." Fin pushed open the door. "I just brought her in. She confessed five minutes into the conversation. I just recorded it."

"All that's left is to find Sonny. We just have to know where he took him."

"About that, I might have an idea. There's an abandoned church that got turned into a gay bar, then re-abandoned. If Jon and Risa are hell-bent on ridding the world of 'sinners', which is pretty much what Risa said, that would be, like, their least favorite place on earth. That seems like our best bet," Fin offered.

"That's genius, Fin. Thank you." Benson reached for her Kevlar vest, but Barba grabbed her wrist.

"Wait. I'm coming with you."

"Did you suddenly pass the police academy, Raf? Because unless you did, you're staying here." She tried to pull her hand out of his grasp, but he held firm.

"I'm going, Liv. Whether it's with you or on my own. But if I go by myself, I'm going in unarmed and unprotected." He looked at her meaningfully, and she sighed, frustrated.

"Fine. Rollins, get Barba a vest and a gun. Barba, you do not shoot unless you're about to be shot, and you stay behind me. Are we clear?"

"Crystal."

"And if I get fired for this, I'm going to murder you." Barba managed a smile.

"I got it, Liv. Let's go get him."

 

The abandoned church/gay bar was on the outskirts of Manhattan, a beaten-up, white-sided, traditional-looking church. Broken neon lights hung in the windows.

"This place is so...surreal." Barba stared up in awe at the structure. "I've never seen anything like it."

"Neither have I. But we've got more important stuff to handle." Benson signaled for the rest of the squad to follow her. She kicked down the door, which was riddled with termites, so it fell in easily. "Rollins, Fin, you check out the upstairs. Barba, we'll check out the downstairs." Olivia and Barba circled into the stairwell, sticking closely together. "Raf, can you find the lights?" Keeping one hand on his gun, he fumbled for the switch. Finally, he found it, flicking it to turn on a series of fluorescent lights. He and Benson descended the stairs quietly. "Do you see him?" The church basement was an odd medley of old church artifacts, crosses and paintings and such, and relics from the gay bar, portable bars and strobe lights. It was hard to see through the clutter.

"You go left, I'll go right," Benson whispered, and they split up. Barba looked in between the aisles of junk, seeking any sign of Sonny. The further back he got, the more and more disheartened he became. What if he never found Carisi? Or worse, what if he did find him, tomorrow or the next day, carved up and raped?

He almost gave up, right then and there.

Until he heard a sound coming from two rows away.

The very back of the church basement was an open space with a few supporting pillars, holding up what must have been a weak spot under the church. And, under one of the pillars, was a person, chains wrapped around both wrists, ankles handcuffed to the ground. One leg was bent at a screwy angle. His graying hair flopped in his face, free of its usual gelled coif. His severe features were marred by purple and black bruises and one blue-green eye was swollen almost all the way shut. It was Sonny, all right, clear of the cheery mood that surrounded him. Without thinking, Barba tossed caution to the wind. His legs started pumping faster than they had since about senior year of college. Carisi stared straight ahead, but his head snapped towards Barba when he heard the pounding footsteps. His eyes widened (as much as was possible for the one, anyway), and he tried his best to haul himself up to a sitting position. Barba sprinted across the concrete, skidding across the floor to Carisi.

"BENSON! LIV, I GOT HIM! HE'S HERE, HE'S ALIVE!" Barba bellowed, rushing around the pillar to find the lock for the chains around his wrists. He shot the padlock twice and unwound the chain. Carisi's hands fell to his sides. Three of his fingers were twisted and purple. Benson dashed across the room, followed by Fin and Rollins.

"Rollins, call a bus!" Benson rushed to uncuff Sonny's ankles, and Barba knelt down in front of Sonny, who looked tired, like he was about to fall asleep. Even so, he managed a grin.

"I did...I didn't know you could run like that..." Barba smiled, despite himself.

"There's a lot you don't know about me, Sonny. I was a track star back in college. 40-yard dash." Sonny's eyes fluttered open and shut.

"That's...pretty cool..." He yawned. "I was in the marching band. Tenor...sax." And with that, he drifted off.

"Barba, is he alright?" Rollins sped towards him.

"Yeah, he's just asleep." Barba rubbed his tired eyes and noticed the wetness collected on his face. He wiped his eyes and turned to Rollins. "Is there an ambulance on its way?" She nodded.

"It'll be here in a minute or two. Let's get Sonny upstairs, then see what evidence we can collect to indict Jon and Risa." Barba looked over Sonny's unconscious body.

"He's got a broken leg, I think. Can you grab..." He surveyed the room. "Grab that cross there, and break off the longer piece. And some of those, what are those, drag costumes?" He splinted the leg, using torn strips of the dress to tie the leg to the broken piece of the cross. "Do you see anything we can use as a stretcher?" Rollins retrieved a pair of limbo poles, a white tablecloth, and rainbow duct tape. Using the materials She found, they pieced together a makeshift stretcher. "Okay, we have to lift him now. Try to keep his leg as still as possible."

"How do you know how to do all this, Barba?"

"I took some EMT classes in college. Seemed important at the time. I guess it turned out to be." Rollins slipped her hands under Sonny's legs, and Barba held him under his arms. Gently, they lifted him up and onto the stretcher. The two of them lifted the stretcher up the stairs and outside, to where an ambulance was waiting. The paramedics put Sonny on one of their own stretchers and lifted him into the ambulance.

"I'll ride with him." Benson hopped up and into the back of the ambulance. Barba sunk to the ground, chest heaving. Rollins knelt next to him and put her hand on his shoulder.

"It's going to be alright, Barba. We found him, and we got the guy who did this to him. And when we get back, you're going to prosecute his ass into the ground." She stood and offered him a hand, which he used to help himself stand. The two of them got into one cruiser and Fin got into the other. They followed the ambulance to the hospital and rushed into the ER waiting room.

"Excuse me, I'm Detective Rollins, this is Detective Tutuola and ADA Rafael Barba. A couple of our colleagues, Lieutenant Benson and Detective Carisi, just came in," Rollins said as she approached the nurse's desk.

"Hey, guys." Benson appeared on the side of the room closest to the ER door. "He's doing okay. He's in surgery. They had to set his leg and a couple of fingers. There might also be some internal bleeding. They're not sure just yet." Barba nodded, feeling tears welling up once again. "Hey, Raf, let's sit down for a sec." She led him to a pair of chairs in a secluded corner of the waiting room. "This isn't your fault, you know."

"It is, though, Liv. I stayed at the bar for a while after you left. Trying to work up the courage to go talk to him. If I hadn't stayed for so long, if I had just gotten there a little bit earlier, I could have either fended him off, or-or gotten Sonny out of there, or-"

"Raf, please. You couldn't have known he would take down the security detail. Besides, you're an ADA. Not a cop."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, more likely than not, he would have knocked you out, or worse, and taken Sonny anyway." Barba sat with his face in his hands. "Let's get out of here. It'll be a while before he's out of surgery. And you haven't had any coffee yet today." The corners of his mouth twitched up in a sad grin.

"You're right." He stood up. "I'm going to need a hell of a lot of caffeine and sugar today."

 

The nearest coffee stand, as it turned out, was just outside the hospital itself. Barba topped off his mocha with even more sugar and than usual.

"You trying to get a cavity, Rafa?"

"Trying to distract myself." He took a long, long sip of his coffee.

"Yeah, it's...it's rough. It was one thing when Dodds got shot in the shoulder, but it's a whole other thing to have someone kidnapped and beaten." They walked in silence down the snowy sidewalk for a minute. "For a minute, I really thought...I really thought that I was just going to show up and talk to him, and we'd be together. It sounds stupid, but I saw no other way for that to go. To show up and see his room destroyed like that, it was just so-"

"Horrific." Olivia finished his thought. "It was awful."

"Yeah. Speaking of, shouldn't you guys be there? Or at the church? Collecting evidence?"

"No, we have some other officers checking it out. We want to be here. For Carisi. And for you." Barba squeezed her hand.

"Thank you." He looked up at the deep black sky, devoid of stars. In New York, you could never see the stars. "When did it get so late?"

"Time flies when you're panicking." Olivia looked Barba up and down. "You look awful. Go home. Get some rest. Sonny'll probably be in surgery all night. If he's not, I'll call you." Barba nodded slowly and turned to leave. As the snow fell around him, the streetlights made it look like flakes of silver. Silent tears streaked down and froze on his face as he realized how much Sonny would have loved it like this. It wouldn't matter how many times Olivia and Amanda told him it wasn't his fault. He wouldn't believe it until he saw Sonny healthy and safe, until he saw Jon and Risa behind bars. And he would see that done.


	7. To Be Here

"Barba." He sat straight up in his bed, holding his phone to his ear.

"Rafa, it's me. Sonny just got out of surgery. He's not awake yet, but I thought you might like to be here when he wakes up." Benson sounded exhausted on the other end.

"Thanks, Liv. I'll be there in ten." Barba threw on the same suit he had worn the previous night and hailed a cab. He stopped for coffee outside the hotel and went up to Carisi's room. Rollins and Fin were already sitting outside. Rollins was asleep, her head resting on Fin's shoulder. He nodded at Barba, and Barba pushed open the door gently. Sonny lay in the hospital bed, surrounded by wires and tubes and machines. The swelling on his face had gone down significantly, but it was still purple and blue. The first three fingers on his right hand were splinted, and his left leg was raised in a white plaster cast. His eyes were shut and his chest rose and fall, albeit with some difficulty. He looked in pain, but alive. Olivia sat in the corner of the room with a newspaper and coffee. Barba sat down next to her.

"How is he?" Benson sighed.

"He's got four broken ribs, a punctured lung, three broken fingers, his femur and tibula are each broken in two places. He had some internal bleeding from his lung, but they said it looked like it had stopped. Thankfully, no brain injuries."

" _Dios mio."_ Barba leaned closer to Sonny. "Did they say when they think he'll wake up?"

"Hopefully pretty soon. And I got some info from the techs at the church and the hotel. They found Jon's blood and DNA at the hotel. Looks like Sonny got a couple of good shots in before he got grabbed. And they found both Risa and Jon's DNA on the chains and cuffs in the church basement, plus Jon's knife. With the blood of all three murdered victims on it. And his fingerprints."

"They didn't cover their tracks very well."

"They didn't think they needed to." She shrugged. "Better for us. Better for you." They both turned to see what was making a coughing sound. Carisi's chest shook as his eyes blinked open. Benson and Barba jumped up.

"Hey, guys," Carisi said hoarsely, wincing with every breath. "Damn, everything hurts." Still, he managed a smile. "Hey, Lieu. Did you get him? It was Jon, from the bar, he-"

"We got him, Sonny. Risa too. They're back at the precinct right now." Carisi visibly relaxed, then tensed up again.

"Where's Kenny?" He croaked. Benson placed a hand gently on his shoulder.

"Kenny and Frannie and Noah and Jesse are all with Lucy. God, I don't know what I'd do without that girl." Carisi smiled again and turned to Barba.

"Mornin', Counselor." Barba chuckled.

"Good morning, Night School. How do you feel?"

"Like I've been kidnapped and had the crap beaten out of me." When he saw Olivia and Barba's horrified faces, he laughed. "Sorry, maybe it's a little too early for gallows humor." Benson squeezed his good hand.

"It's fine. And as much as I'd like to give you a day or two to recover, I have to ask you some questions."

"Of course, Lieu. Ask away." Benson sent a poignant look at Barba, but Carisi gestured for him to stay. "It's fine. I don't mind if he stays." She nodded.

"What happened?"

"Well, I was in my room, trying to sleep. About...3 or so, I heard a noise outside my room, so I got up and got my gun. Right when I was about to go outside and see what was goin' on, Jon busted in. He had a-a baseball bat, I think, one of those good aluminum ones. He got in a good shot to my leg, and then grabbed my gun and hit me over the head with it. He knocked me out. When I woke up, I was chained to that pillar in the church basement."

"Okay, thanks, Carisi. We can get the rest of the story later. I'll go tell Fin and Rollins you're up." She patted his arm. "I'm glad you're okay, Carisi."

"Thanks, Lieu." She left, and Carisi and Barba were left alone in the room.

"So, he didn't- they didn't- did they...you know?"

"No, he didn't rape me. He tried. Tried like hell. Almost did, but I got him with a good knee to the balls. That's how I got the broken fingers." He wiggled his non-broken ones. "He punched me, and my face hit my hands. Snapped a few fingers. And then when Risa tipped him off you guys were getting suspicious, he came back. Decided it wasn't worth it to make me an example. He hit me right in the ribs with the bat. I think he figured I'd either bleed out or not be able to breathe, so he left me like that."

"Wait, what do you mean, 'make an example out of you?'"

"They kept saying stuff about how they were the warriors of God, undercover to weed out the sinners, those who think they can live among both the 'sinners' and the 'saints.'"

"Wow."

"Wow is right." They sat in awkward silence for a few minutes. "Hey, uh, Barba?"

"Hmm?"

"Why, uh...why were you the one to find my room? Why were you at the hotel?" Barba froze. He knew, of course, that Carisi would probably ask him that. He just hadn't really thought about his answer. He chugged the last of his coffee and looked right at Sonny, building as much courage as he could find without spending several hours at a bar.

"I went there to see you. I, um...I went to the bar with Liv, and she gave me some advice. About you. About us."

"You told Liv?"

"No. Well, kind of. She figured it out."

"Huh." Carisi looked pensively at the ceiling. "I guess we weren't bein' as subtle as we thought we were." Barba cracked a smile.

"No. I guess we weren't." Barba sat on the side of Sonny's good hand (the right), and Sonny reached out, grimacing in pain. He laced his fingers with Barba's and took in the lawyer's appearance. His rumpled suit, messy hair, 5 o'clock shadow. He looked awful. Then again, he supposed, so did he. "I got pretty drunk, and I decided to go over to your hotel room. No plan. That's when I found..."

"Everythin' destroyed?"

"Pretty much." Barba perched his chin gently on top of their intertwined fingers. "If I had left the bar thirty goddamn minutes, earlier, I would have been there. None of this would have happened. You wouldn't have been dying on an operating table and I wouldn't have to put seven packets of sugar in my coffee." Sonny chuckled and winced.

"It's not your fault. They just would have taken you down too. I wasn't even gone for a full day, Barba. You couldn't have know. There were too many variables." Carisi pulled their hands back down toward him and placed a gentle kiss on Barba's knuckles. Barba used his other hand to brush back Sonny's messy hair, and as his hand grazed the side of his face, he leaned down, pressing his lips gingerly to Sonny's, soft, so as not to further injure him. Sonny propped himself up on his elbows, deepening the kiss. They curved into one another, pushing back and forth as if they were both oxygen to the other's lungs. Abruptly, the door swung open and shut.

"Oh! Are we interrupting something?" Rollins asked, a wide, surprised grin on her face.

"No, it's fine," Barba said as he pulled away, their hands still clasped together, in a tone that implied that it was not, in fact, fine.

"Sorry, we figured you'd just be talking about legal stuff, not, y'know..." Fin trailed off.

"Hooking up in a hospital bed," Rollins finished, and Barba blushed. Before either he or Carisi could respond, Rollins reached down to squeeze Sonny's shoulder. "I'm really glad you're alright, Sonny. We all are." Fin nodded in agreement. The two of them looked back and forth between Barba and Carisi. "We can get going. We just wanted to say hi."

"No, that's fine." Barba stood up, squeezing Sonny's hand one last time before dropping it. "I'll be back tonight. In the meantime, I'm going to get started prepping your case." After a hesitant moment, he ducked back down, pressing a quick kiss between Sonny's eyebrows. With that, he left.

"So," Rollins said, clearing her throat. "Barba?" Sonny grinned and rolled his eyes.

"Yeah. Barba."

"You look happier now. I know this isn't the way you wanted to come out, but-"

"It wasn't, but I'm glad about it now. I do feel better. Much better." Despite his words, the light faded from his face a little bit. Rollins noticed it and frowned.

"Your family?"

"Yeah. The Lieutenant called them, but they haven't come yet. I thought at least my sisters would." There was a knock at the door.

"Maybe they did." Amanda reached for the door. As a matter of fact, there they were, Gina and Teresa Carisi. They each rushed to one side of Sonny. Gina's eyes welled up with tears, and Teresa covered her mouth with one hand.

"Oh, God. Sonny." Gina ruffled his hair with one hand. "What did they do to you?" Fin and Rollins stepped out of the room. Sonny gave his sisters a weak smile.

"I'm fine, Genie. Or at least, I will be." Teresa clutched her brother's hand so hard her knuckles turned white. She was silent for a moment, then raised her head to speak.

"Dad wanted to come. He tried to get Ma to come with him. She just...wouldn't. I'll see if I can talk some sense into her when we get home." Sonny nodded.

"Thanks, guys. Where's Bella?''

"She's out of town. She and Tommy went to see Tommy's family in Albany. We left her a message." Sonny's heart sank. He'd always been close with all of his sisters, but Bella had literally been his best friend since birth. They were twins, had been in the same homeroom class every year of high school. The first time they didn't go to school together was college. They were even in the marching band together, Sonny on tenor sax, and Bella on flute. Not having Bella here made Sonny feel...empty.

He shook it off, grinning at his two present sisters. 

“Seriously, thanks for coming.”

”Not a problem, especially that eye candy we saw out in the waiting room.”

”Who, Fin?” He looked at Gina skeptically.

”No, that older Hispanic guy. The one that was with you when you FaceTimed. The one that’s always on TV.”

”Barba?” Sonny was surprised by the warmth that spread across his cheeks.

”Yeah, him. He’s not gay too, right?” Sonny shook his head weakly.

“Gina, stop.” Teresa put a hand on her sister’s shoulder. “We still have Sonny to worry about.” He looked up at his oldest sister and saw his own eyes reflected back at him, albeit with a few more wrinkles around them. “We’ll hang out here for a little while, if you don’t mind. Maybe see if Mom or Dad shows up.” Gina nodded decisively.

”We’re here for you, Sonny. One hundred and ten percent.”


	8. His Day In Court

Barba barely made it back to his apartment before he started to break down. He hadn't slept more than two hours the previous night, and had basically been in and out of caffeine withdrawal since he met Olivia for drinks. He took one step inside the door, dropped his briefcase and jacket, slid his suspenders off of his shoulders, sat down on the couch, put his face in his hands, and began to sob loudly. He couldn't stop thinking about Sonny, chained in that basement, his face beaten and bloody, each breath agony, just because he went to a gay bar twice, and a church once. With a gasp, Barba sat up. A hate crime. He could prosecute it as a hate crime. He pulled out his phone.

"Liv?"

"What's up?"

"I need you to talk to Risa and John. Interrogate them. Get them to say something intolerant. I want to prosecute them for a hate crime."

"Good idea. I'll get Rollins and Fin there now. Meet us there?"

"Yep." He hung up the phone and wiped the salty tears from his face. "For Sonny," he whispered.

 

"Look, Jon, Detective Carisi told us what you said down in that basement! All that stuff about being a 'warrior of god', 'sinners and saints'."

"Look, Lieutenant, I don't know what you're talking about. Whatever Sonny thought he heard in that basement, he's mistaken." Jon shrugged innocently. "And whatever Ms. Solano says, she's lying."

Benson smiled thinly. "See, Jon, we don't believe you. Your and Risa's prints are all over that basement. We found your blood and fingerprints in the hotel room. We also found your knife, covered with the blood of all three victims."

"Yes, Lieutenant Benson, but there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for all that. I used to own The Church. I was the one who turned it into a gay bar. Risa was my bartender. My knife was stolen. And the fingerprints in the hotel room? I probably stayed there at one point. I stay at the Hotel Delucio very often. I don't remember all the rooms I've stayed in." Olivia nodded.

"Well, we're going to check with the hotel and make sure they can corroborate your story. In the meantime, you said you used to own The Church. Why did you abandon it?"

"My priest. He said it was sacrilege to turn a house of God into a house of the devil."

"So you're religious, but you don't believe that your business is 'a house of the devil?'"

"I never said that," Jon stated matter-of-factly.

"I'm sorry, Jon, can you explain a bit more? I'm a little confused."

"I am religious. I'm a catholic. I always was. But when I became an adult, I started having these...deviant impulses. Towards men. I tried to speak with my priest, to make them stop. He told me he couldn't. So I have in, opened a gay bar. However, I left it when I came to my senses. I opened up Saváge. My priest still wasn't happy, but he acknowledges that I have to control my impulses somehow."

"So that's all the bar is? Impulse control?"

"Yes."

"Alright, Mr. Warren. We'll be back to talk to you again in a bit." Benson stood and walked out of the room, then into the adjoining room, which held the one-way mirror viewing room. Barba stood, Rollins by his side, watching Jon.

"He's lying. He kidnapped Sonny."

"Well, he hasn't called his lawyer yet, so he either didn't do it, or he's extraordinarily confident. Risa, on the other hand, lawyered up almost immediately." Rollins gestured to the other window, where Risa and a tall black woman sat, conversing quietly.

"She's taking a plea, though. Four counts of kidnapping, three counts of accessory to murder and rape. She gets 10 years and put on the registry for five, and she testifies against Jon." Barba shrugged. "I think she should get more, but that's the agreement we came to. Jon, though, he's not going to budge."

"So we take him to trial. Barba, are you okay to take this case?" Barba nodded, his face filled with fury.

"I'm going to take this bastard down, Liv." He looked out at the empty desk in the bullpen. "For Sonny. And Jason. And the other vics."

 

Sonny checked out of the hospital three days later, and Barba was there to drive him home. A nurse wheeled him out to the parking lot, where he stood, hobbling the rest of the way on crutches. He was still badly beaten and bruised. Wordlessly, Barba helped him into the cab and they drove back to Sonny's apartment, the New York nightlife flashing by in a blur.

"You're still going to have a security detail. Even more than the last one. Just in case we have the wrong guy."

"You don't. Jon Warren did this to me. And now, you're going to take him down." Not with ease, Sonny inclined his head, resting it on Barba's shoulder. Barba looked up, surprised, but didn't move. He adjusted his hand just slightly so that it rested on top of Sonny's splinted fingers. "What's going to happen? At the trial?"

"You're going to have to testify. Tell everyone what happened to you. Can you...? Is it too-"

"No, it's not too hard. I have to do this. I have to stop him so he doesn't do this ever again." The cab pulled up to the sidewalk next to Sonny's apartment building.

"It's not a walk-up, is it? There's an elevator?" Barba asked as he pulled Sonny out of the car.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." They went into the building, the same building they went into so many nights after work. It felt different, walking in knowing nothing was going to happen. Walking in as actual friends, maybe lovers. Sonny's apartment was on the seventh floor, with a decent view of the East River, made even better by the reflections of moonlight rippling across the moving water. Sonny lowered himself onto the couch.

"There's some coffee on the counter, if you want a cup. And some cannoli." Barba ignored him and sat down across from him on the sofa.

"I have something for you."

"Oh?" Sonny raised one stiched-up eyebrow. Barba said nothing, just pulled a long, flat box out of his briefcase. He lifted the lid, showing a gray silk tie. He set the box down gently in front of Sonny.

"My lucky tie."

"Lucky? I've never seen you wear this tie before."

"I wear it whenever I have to testify."

"Testify?" Sonny looked puzzled.

"I don't do it very often. My _abuelita,_ she bought me this tie when I was fifteen years old. Just before the incident with Juan. I was hanging out at a convenience store with some friends, when a man wearing a ski mask and holding a gun came in. He started shouting, saying _'Agachan! Agachan, todos!'_ He shot the cashier and two deaf old women doing their grocery shopping. They didn't hear him. He stole all the money from the register and left. The cops shot him in the leg. I and my friends had to testify. The day before I went in, my _abuelita_ told me to get out the only suit I owned, the one I bought with the money my neighbors gave me for watering plants and dogsitting. She told me to make sure it fit, and if it didn't, she'd take me to a tailor. Then, she took me shopping, and she got me this tie and my first pair of suspenders. She told me, _'_ _Nieto,_ you're a good boy, not some drug-dealing, murdering _hijo de puta_ they expect. But you're also the son of a Cuban immigrant from the Bronx. If you want people to take you seriously, you have to make them, and you do that by looking your best, all the time. They say 'dress for the job you want', but really, it's 'dress for the life you want.' Wear this suit with pride, _Nieto._ Walk tall, and they won't see what they expect. They'll see you, Rafael.' I never stop thinking about what she said to me that day."

"That's why you always wear suits. Because you're afraid that if you don't, they won't take you seriously. They'll see that drug-dealing, murdering _hijo de puta."_

"Exactly. I wear this tie to remind me of that. And people take me seriously when I do." Carisi reached for the box.

"May I?" Barba nodded. Sonny ran his fingers over the tie. "Can I, uh..." He gestured with his splinted fingers.

"Yeah." Barba reached over, loosened Sonny's tie, and looped it over his head, then pulled out his lucky tie. He expertly tied it around Sonny's neck, his fingers deftly pulling and tying. Finally, he flattened it against Sonny's chest. "There. Looks just right." Sonny gave him a soft smile.

"Thanks, Barba."

"Rafael."

"What?"

"I think, at this point, you should call me Rafael." He swallowed and forced himself to reach Sonny's eyes. "Sonny." Sonny's good hand wrapped around one of Rafael's biceps, and he pulled on the tie, leaning in to push his lips against Sonny's. He started gently, delicately brushing his lips over Sonny's. Sonny grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him closer, sinking into him. All of a sudden, he jerked back, wincing in pain. "What? What's wrong?" Immediately, Rafael's face flashed with concern.

"Nothing, just my ribs. This might be a little too much excitement for right now." Rafael smiled.

"Right, of course. Why don't I make some coffee? Want a cannoli?"

"Yes and yes, please and thank you." Barba returned a few minutes later with a pair of coffee mugs, a plate with two cannolis balanced on top of one of them. "So, Ba- Rafael, does Jon have any defense? Is there any way we can lose this?"

"Maybe if the jury believes Jon's excuses. But so far, he doesn't have a good alibi. All he said was that he was at the bar all night, but they were closed, so there's no one to back him up." Sonny groaned.

"Goddamnit." He stood up, balancing on one crutch. "I'm going to take a nap." He yawned widely. "You coming?" He limped into the bedroom, followed closely by Rafael. Carefully, he stripped off his jacket and tie, and lay down as softly as possible. Barba followed suit and lay down beside him, draping one arm gently across Sonny's stomach. His lips reached up to kiss the back of Sonny's head.

"It's going to work out. I promise," he murmured into Sonny's ear, but Sonny was already asleep, his chest rising and falling evenly, and with significantly less struggle. So Barba closed his eyes and started to drift off.

 

The following morning, Barba woke up and found a depression in the mattress where Sonny had slept, and his crutches gone. He sat up in a blind panic, racing out of the room, where he was met with the scent of rich, Cuban coffee. Sonny stood at the counter, singing quietly while pouring coffee. _"Green green dress, twenty buttons and a strap, oh the green green dress, what a-"_

"Sonny! Oh my God, I woke up, and you were gone, and-"

"Oh, Jesus, Raf, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to freak you out. Here's some coffee." He held out one ceramic mug.

"Thanks, but I have to get going. I have to work on your case." He retrieved his jacket and tie from the floor of the bedroom.

"Hold on, I'll walk you out." Sonny grabbed his crutches.

"Sonny, you can barely walk."

"I'm walking you out. I'm not going to be bedridden just because I have a few broken bones." Reluctantly, Barba agreed, and they walked down the hallway and descended the elevator. Outside the building, a fresh snowfall coated the sidewalk, reflecting the sunlight back in their eyes. "Thanks for doing this, Raf. I don't know what I'd do without you." Barba cracked a smile.

"Neither do I, Fordham." He reached over to hold Sonny's hand. "We're going to work this out."

"I know." Stabilizing himself on the crutches, Sonny leaned forward, kissing Rafael hard on the lips. "I'll see you soon, Rafael." He laughed warmly. "I still can't get used to calling you that, y'know."

"I know, Sonny. I know."

 

After Risa's indictment, Barba sat in Judge Elana Barth's courtroom. He liked to get there early, to know who was in his corner and who was rooting for the other side. So far, on his side, he saw Haley, Jason Gutierrez's girlfriend, and the families of all the other victims. Benson and the rest of the squad still had to testify, but they weren't there yet. Last in the room, filing in side-by-side, were the Carisi sisters, all three of them. They each gave Barba a small smile and sat in the front row. The other side was a far less pleasant crowd. Almost no spectators, but at the defendant's table was Jon Warren, and possibly Barba's least favorite person in the entire world, John Buchanan.

"Counselor." Barba greeted Buchanan with a cold grin.

"Mr. Barba. You realize you have no case, right? My client did nothing. There's no hate crime here. Mr. Warren is a gay man himself."

"See, Buchanan, I have no reason to believe that. Your client kidnapped, raped, and murdered four men."

"I-" Buchanan was interrupted when Judge Barth entered the courtroom. He stood, buttoning his blazer. They moved through the opening proceedings, until Barth said the magic words-

"People, call your first witness." Barba stood, masking a smile.

"The people call Dominick Carisi Jr. to the stand." The door opened, and in hobbled Sonny, leaning on crutches. His face had improved slightly since the hospital almost two weeks ago. He flashed a quick grin at Barba, who returned it.

"Mr. Carisi, what happened to you on the morning of November twenty-second?"

"It was about three o'clock in the morning, I was trying to get some sleep. It was hard, though, because I'm an insomniac, and I was worried, because I thought I was going to get kidnapped, raped, and murdered. I was trying to fall sleep when I heard a commotion in the hallway outside. There were a few officers out there, assigned to my security detail. I grabbed my gun and I was getting ready to open the door and see what was going on when that man, Jon Warren, burst in with an aluminum baseball bat. He hit me in the leg with the bat, twice. When I fell to the ground, he took my gun and hit me over the head with it. I was knocked out and I came to in the basement of The Church."

"So Jon Warren was the man who assaulted you in your hotel room?"

"Yes."

"And what happened after you came to?"

"I was alone for about a half hour before Jon and Risa showed up. I was chained to the floor. When they came back, Jon tried...he tried..." Sonny breathed deeply and steadied himself. "He tried to rape me. When he, uh, when he knelt down on top of me, I kneed him in the testicles. A knee-jerk reaction, if you will." There were a few chuckles from the gathered crowd. "He jumped off, and he didn't try it again, but he punched me, right here." He gestured to his left cheekbone, where the worst of the bruises were. "My head hit my hands, and it broke my fingers. He left then to go to work, and he left Risa with me. Risa said, 'When you try to live amongst both the sinners and the saints, you end up in purgatory.' Then she left. A few hours later, Jon came back. He was in a panic. He said that Risa said some SVU detectives had shown up and asked her about the other victims. He took the baseball bat, and he- he hit me in the ribs. Three times. One of them broke, punctured my lung. He figured I'd either bleed out or suffocate, but I didn't. He just left and went back to the bar. He got picked up by SVU a little while later. It's frankly a miracle I'm alive. If my colleagues hadn't gotten there when they did, I don't know what would have happened."

"Thank you, Mr. Carisi. Nothing further." Barba sat down as Buchanan stood up.

"Mr. Carisi, isn't it true you were a detective on the first three kidnappings/rapes/murders my client allegedly committed?"

"Yes, I was."

"And isn't it true that the fourth case, the one where a message was left carved into the victim's chest, was not the same as the first three?"

"Yes, that is true. In the first three, the victim was kidnapped and held for exactly a week, then showed up in a dumpster or sewer, with signs of anal rape. They were each stabbed twenty times, as in Leviticus 20, the bible passage that gives issue with homosexuality, with the same knife used on each victim."

"So what was different with the fourth victim?"

"The fourth victim still had signs of rape and was found in a dumpster, but he had a message carved into his chest. It said...it said 'Sonny's Next.' Other than that, he hadn't been stabbed."

"And what did the message 'Sonny's Here' mean to you, Mr. Carisi?"

"My nickname is Sonny. My father's name is also Dominick, so I've always gone by Sonny."

"I see. So, were the cuts on the fourth victim made with the same knife as the first three?"

"It was hard to tell, because the slashing on the fourth victim was different from the stabbing on the first three, but SVU found traces of the other victim's DNA in the cuts, so it's most likely the same knife was used, which probably means it was used by the same person, Jon Warren."

"However, didn't my client tell you he lost the knife when you came in to interview him after Jason Gutierrez's body was found?"

"Yes, but it was recovered in the basement of The Church."

"Isn't it possible that my client's knife was stolen and used for the first three murders, and then he found it and used it on the fourth?"

"Well, yes, but-"

"Nothing further, Mr. Carisi." Sonny's face contorted in rage, but he stood and left the witness stand.

"Next witness, Mr. Barba?" The judge asked. Sonny sat down, and Barba turned to look back at him, his face hardening.

"The people call Risa Solano to the stand." Risa was marched out to the witness stand.

" _Señorita_ Solano-"

"Risa, please."

"Risa. Risa, what was your role in the kidnappings, rapes, and murders of these four victims?" Barba turned on the TV in the corner, showing photos of the four dead men.

"The defendant, Jon Warren, and I, were looking for anyone who attended both St. Augustine catholic church and the Saváge gay bar, to try to weed out the sinners. Jon was...undercover as a gay bar owner, to try to find them. We would approach them outside of Saváge and take them to The Church. We'd lock them up in the basement and Jon would...he raped them and tortured them until they basically renounced homosexuality. Then he stabbed them and dumped their bodies. All I did was help him grab them and then make sure they stayed put."

"Thank you, Risa. Nothing further." Buchanan cleared his throat.

"Risa, would you say you were no more than an accessory to my client's crimes?"

"Yes, I would. In fact, that's exactly what I pled guilty to. Accessory to five counts of kidnapping, four counts of rape and murder."

"Indeed. The defense rests." Buchanan sat back down.

"Mr. Barba, call your next witness."

"I have no more witnesses." Buchanan looked up, his face part shock and part excitement.

"Okay, then Mr. Buchanan. Call your first witness." Buchanan stood.

"The defense calls Rafael Barba to the stand." Barba's head snapped up.

"Your Honor, may we approach?"

"Better yet, let's take a recess. Relevant people, my chambers. Now."


	9. All In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is probably going to be finished up within a few more chapters, so if anyone has an idea for either a sequel to this fic or a freestanding fic, let me know in the comments! If I use it, I'll give you co-creator credit!! Thank you!!
> 
> PS: I'll do Barisi, Barson, Barba x Original Character, or Carisi x Original Character, but if you ask me to do Rollisi, you're getting blocked.

If Barba had stormed into Judge Barth's chambers with actual guns a-blazing, it probably wouldn't have changed the picture at all. His face burned with anger.

"Your Honor, he can't do this! I'm not on the witness list, and I can't cross-examine myself!"

"That's what co-counsel is for," Buchanan interjected.

"Mr. Buchanan, he is right about the witness list. What's your excuse?"

"New evidence has come to light. Counselor Barba's testimony is crucial to proving the illegitimacy of this case." Judge Barth considered for a brief moment.

"We'll adjourn until tomorrow at nine. Mr. Barba, I suggest you use your time wisely to try and find some co-council. You testify first thing tomorrow morning. But, Mr. Buchanan? This had better be well-worth our time." Buchanan sent Barba a sideways glance.

"Trust me, Your Honor, it will."

 

Outside the courthouse, Barba was swarmed by reporters, who he pushed past without a word. He hailed a cab as quickly as possible and was about to hop in when the opposite door opened. Sonny tossed in his crutches and sat down.

"Get in, Raf. Unless you want that horde over there to stampede." Without so much as a backwards glance, he slid in.

"Oh my God. Sonny, I have to testify. I, I di- I didn't prepare for this, I wasn't-" Barba's chest heaved up and down as he started to hyperventilate.

"Holy hell, Raf. Breathe. Just breathe." Sonny put a gentle hand on Barba's chest. He continued to breathe heavily, and then slowed. "You have to testify. It's not that big of a deal. I do it every week."

"Yeah, but you- I- I don't-"

"Hey!" Sonny was full-on shouting. "Calm down!" Oddly enough, the yelling helped Barba calm down.

"What am I going to do? I-I can get O'Dwyer to co-counsel, but I haven't prepared for this at all! I don't know what he's going to ask me, or- or-"

"Breathe."

"Right. I need coffee."

"I feel like caffeine is the thing you need least right now."

"Then you do not know me well enough. Let's stop at my apartment."

 

Barba's apartment was painstakingly neat and clean. He never left things off shelves or left papers on the table. In fact, it looked like nobody lived there. Rafael liked it like that. It reminded him that nothing was permanent. Sonny preferred his home to look lived in. He didn't mind the dog hair or the messy cabinets. Especially now, when so much was changing, it kept him tethered to the real world. That being said, Rafael's apartment looked a hell of a lot nicer. He helped Sonny sit on the couch, then slumped down next to him.

"Did you want to call O'Dwyer?" Sonny asked as he poked gingerly at the bruises on his face.

"I will. I will. Just... _¡_ Y _o no sé porque este hijo de puta tienes hacer esto!"_ Barba stood up and started pacing, ranting angrily in Spanish.

"Rafael! Rafael, _¡Basta!"_ He stopped in his tracks and looked at Sonny.

"Since when do you speak Spanish?" Sonny shrugged.

"I took it in high school, then kept taking it college. Figured it'd come in handy in this line of work. I don't know that much, but I know enough. Pun unintended." Barba chuckled, finally calm.

"How do you do that?" Sonny looked puzzled.

"Do what?"

"You just take all the anxiety in a room and you just-" he made a sucking noise, "-get rid of it. I've never seen anything like it." He sat back down, and Sonny slid his arm over Rafael's shoulders.

"You can't do that, but you've rushed to my defense a dozen times since this case started. I will never stop thanking you for what you did." Rafael's thumb brushed down Sonny's cheekbones.

"I have a confession. I'm doing it for selfish reasons." His lips met Sonny's, parting slightly. Sonny's hands slid behind his neck, then under his coat, pushing it off, followed by his suspenders. When he moved on to Rafael's shirt buttons, he ran into some difficulty.

"Here, let me help," Barba muttered, never fully breaking the kiss. He undid the buttons and tossed off his shirt. He pulled his lucky tie over Sonny's head and slid his arms out of the coat, before, ever so gently, undoing the buttons of Sonny's shirt. As he whipped the shirt over his head, he gasped. Sonny's chest was an abstract masterpiece of purple and black bruises.  


"Relax. It hurts, but I'm fine. Just be gentle with me, 'kay?" Rafael nodded silently and kissed his way down Sonny's battered chest. When he reached Sonny's waistband, he paused. 

"Are you sure you're feeling up to it?" Sonny grasped each side of his face in one hand and brought Rafael's face up to meet his own. They kissed once, twice, three times, and then Sonny let go.

"I'm one hundred percent sure."

 

Barba met O’Dwyer in front of the courthouse early in the morning.

”Thank you for agreeing to do this.” The two men shook hands and walked inside. 

“Not a problem. Do you know why Buchanan wants you to testify?”

”No, he just said it had to do with the legitimacy of the case.”

”Yikes, let’s hope he doesn’t completely tear you apart.”

”Encouraging, O’Dwyer.”

”I do try.”

Barba rolled his eyes and smoothed his suit. He had taken back his lucky tie for the occasion, but it still didn't make him feel especially lucky as he sat down at the prosecutor's desk. Buchanan entered behind them, and Rafael stared straight ahead, avoiding eye contact. He didn't even bother to turn back and see Sonny coming in with his sisters, the bruises on his face significantly improved. The four of them glanced back at the door every time it opened, hoping for just a glimpse of their parents. They all still wished their parents would show up. To be honest, so did Rafael. He wasn't quite sure why, but if Vivian and Dominick Carisi were to walk in right now, he thought it would just be like an enormous weight lifted off his shoulders. They didn't, though, and they all rose as the Honorable Judge Elana Barth strode into the room.

"Mr. Buchanan, call your first witness." Buchanan looked briefly at Barba, then turned back to the judge.

"The defense calls ADA Rafael Barba to the stand." Barba stood, fuming, and walked up to the witness stand, glaring at Buchanan.

"Mr. Barba, what was it that you saw when you went to Mr. Carisi's hotel room the morning of November twenty-second?" Barba narrowed his eyes.

"I saw the three armed guards assigned to Mr. Carisi's protection knocked out and bleeding on the floor. The door was unlocked and open, and when I looked inside, I saw the room torn apart. Furniture was overturned, lamps were shattered, and there was...there was a long bloody streak on the floor. The photos are evidence 11A through G."

"Yes, Mr. Barba, I'm aware of the evidence numbers. Now, can you tell the court, what is your relationship, _exactly,_ with Mr. Carisi?" Barba froze, but O'Dwyer sprang into action.

"Objection, Your Honor! Relevance?"

"It pertains to the legitimacy of the case, Your Honor."

"...overruled. But make your point quickly, Mr. Buchanan. Answer the question, Mr. Barba." Barba cleared his throat and locked eyes with Sonny.

"We were...coworkers. Friends, maybe."

"Really? So do you consider this to be typical 'friendly' behavior, Mr. Barba?" Buchanan flipped on the TV in the corner. At first, Barba wasn't sure what he was watching. Then he saw the cat in the hallway. It was the hallway outside Sonny's apartment. And in the upper right-hand corner, were Sonny and Rafael, pressed up against a wall, their lips locked in a heated kiss. The gallery watched as Sonny groped for the doorhandle and swung the door open. The two men tumbled into the apartment and slammed the door shut behind them. Rafael's eyes flicked over to Jon, who wore a look of abject horror. "I'd like to enter this as evidence number 26A. Now, Mr. Barba, that is you in that video, correct?"

Barba cleared his throat. "Yes, it is," he said hoarsely,

"And that's Mr. Carisi with you?"

"Yes."

"So you're just friends and coworkers?"

"When I said that, I said it because I didn't know what else to call our relationship, Counselor. Mr. Carisi and I do have an amorous aspect to our relationship, but especially before his kidnapping, it was mostly platonic, except for the odd time when we got together to...blow off steam."

"You mean have sex?"

"I was trying to retain some decorum, but yes."

"So what was the reason you went to Mr. Carisi's hotel room that morning?"

"I had gone out for a drink with a friend that night. Lieutenant Benson. I was confiding in her about..." He trailed off and looked at Sonny, who wore a look of resignation, and nodded. "I was confiding in her that Mr. Carisi had developed feelings for me, and I wasn't sure how to respond."

"So you went to the bar, and then where did you go?"

"I was at the bar until I went to the hotel."

"And how many drinks did you have, Mr. Barba?"

"Probably about six or seven."

"So you were intoxicated when you went to Mr. Carisi's hotel room?"

"Moderately."

"So was it possible you were mistaken by what you saw?"

"Meaning what?"

"Well-" Buchanan shrugged innocently, "-intoxicated people have been known to hallucinate. So was it possible that the 'knocked out'-" He made air quotes,"-guards you saw had just fallen asleep?"

"Yes, but I don't see how that matters. Sonny had still been kidnapped."

"Perhaps. Or perhaps he sneaked out when the guards fell asleep and trashed the room to make it look like my client kidnapped him."

"Why would he have done that?"

"Perhaps he had a vendetta in some form or another against my client."

"I doubt it. Detective Carisi and Jon Warren hardly knew each other."

"Or, I have another theory. Mr. Barba, you were the first to see the so-called crime scene?"

"Yes, as I've stated several times." A low chuckle came from the gallery, which just seemed to further Buchanan's determination.

"So is it possible that you trashed the hotel room to make it look like my client did it? When in reality, it was just you, trying to get a conviction?"

"Objection, speculation!" O'Dwyer shot up.

"Sustained."

"Withdrawn. Mr. Barba, I'm going to just ask it: does your relationship with Detective Carisi give you a bias on this case?"

"Are you asking if I'm letting my emotions get in the way of my job?"

"Sure, let's say that."

"Then no. Of course I have emotions about this case, as I would about any case where I was close with the victims, but if I let my emotions get in the way of my job every time that happened, I wouldn't have made it here. I'm good at my job, Mr. Buchanan, because I care about my clients. That doesn't mean that I lie to help them, or that I cheat the system. It just means that I push harder for a conviction because I wouldn't help people who don't deserve helping. My job is to be a protector of the people. Is that yours, Mr. Buchanan?" Buchanan's face turned red.

"No further questions, Your Honor."

"Thank you. Mr. O'Dwyer?"

"No questions, Your Honor."

"Thank you, Mr. Barba. You may step down." Relieved to finally be done, Barba returned to his seat, offering Sonny a small smile, which he returned. "Mr. Buchanan, call your next witness."

"The defense calls Jon Warren to the stand." Warren stood and sat down in the same chair Barba just abandoned.

"Mr. Warren, did you kidnap, rape, and murder Jason Gutierrez, Porter McCain, and Tanner Osbourne?" Barba stood and rebuttoned his jacket.

"No, sir, I did not."

"And did you kidnap, rape, and murder Rusty Williams?"

"No."

"And did you kidnap and attempt to rape and murder Dominick Carisi?"

"No."

"So why does he remember you in that basement?"

"Probably because I was the one who found him in that basement. I called the cops."

"Really? So why weren't you there when the cops arrived?"

"Because I went back to work, and the cops came in and arrested me."

"Thank you. No further questions."

Barba stood and approached Jon.

"Mr. Warren, if you called the police, why is there no record of you calling in their call logs?" Warren shrugged.

"Maybe it didn't go through. Or maybe they deleted it to prove I did it."

"Do you know of any reason why any of the SVU detectives, or ADA Barba for that matter, would hold a grudge against you?"

"Maybe. I know Detective Carisi had been in my bar a few times, and then I saw him at church one day. I prefer to keep my religion separate from the rest of my life, and I assumed he preferred to do the same, so I didn't say anything. Maybe if I had, whoever did this wouldn't have come after him." Jon choked up.

"Sure. And you knew nothing about the rest of the assaults? You hadn't seen any of the other men at church?"

"Of course I did, but I did the same thing I did with the detective. I left them alone."

"Even after the news started noticing a pattern? You weren't worried about these guys enough to try to protect them?"

"I figured if I had seen it, so had they. It's not my job to take care of everyone who comes into my bar."

"So you had an active disinterest in helping these men?"

"I didn't say that-"

"Thank you, Mr. Warren. Nothing further."

 

Several hours of Buchanan, Barba, and O'Dwyer hammering back and forth over witnesses later, court was adjourned. Closing statements would be performed tomorrow, but Barba didn't want to think about that. In fact, there was only one thing he wanted to do. Outside the courthouse, he found Sonny, Gina, Teresa, and Bella chatting quietly off to one side. They hardly seemed to notice when he joined them, until Bella spoke up.

"Mr. Barba, thank you. I know it was hard to do that, but we're all so grateful." Barba nodded.

"It was nothing."

"It wasn't nothing, Rafael." The sisters shared a look as Sonny moved his hand to Barba's shoulder. "Buchanan knew that you wouldn't expect it. That's why he did it."

"Yeah, I know. Just...why does he only defend the worst people? It's like he tries to make us hate him." Barba turned as O'Dwyer passed by on his way out.

"O'Dwyer, thanks for your help today. I owe you one."

"You owe me several. But it's not a problem." With an amicable handshake, O'Dwyer jogged down the stairs, ignoring the hordes of press that tried to charge. Barba turned back to Sonny.

"How about you? How are you doing? I know the last few weeks have been a lot for..." Rafael trailed off when he noticed Sonny wasn't looking at him, he was staring over his left shoulder. "What...?" He turned around and saw an older couple coming their way. He vaguely recognized them, but couldn't place them until he saw Bella and Gina rush forward to meet them.

"Ma! Dad! We thought you weren't coming!" The girls hugged their parents, then allowed them through. Vivian walked forward, tears in her eyes and a hand over her mouth.

"Oh my gosh, Sonny..." Sonny swallowed and smiled uneasily, reaching for Rafael's hand.

"Hey, Ma," He said weakly. "I didn't think you'd come."

"I wasn't going to, but then I saw the trial on TV, and I- I just had to come down here. I'm so sorry, Sonny, I-"

"It's okay, Ma."

"No, it's not. You're my son. I should have listened to you. And your father." Dominick Carisi Sr. smiled and clapped his son's shoulder.

"Hello, Mrs. Carisi." Barba interrupted, holding out his right hand, his left still clutching Sonny's protectively.

"Oh! Hi, um, Mr..."

"ADA Rafael Barba, ma'am."

"Call me Vivian, please."

"Right. Vivian." She glanced briefly at their clasped hands.

"So, Mr. Barba, I heard you had to testify for my son."

"I did, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I want this guy gone as much as anyone." Still holding his hand out, Barba started to put it back by his side, but Vivian reached out and grabbed it, pulling him into a tight hug. Barba froze, but relaxed into it. When she finally released him, he held his hand out to Sonny's father, who shook it.

"I promise we'll be there tomorrow. We want to see you put this guy away."

"Can we take you out to dinner with us? I feel like that's the least we can do, considering what you've done for our son," Vivian offered.

"Oh, I couldn't-" Sonny elbowed Rafael in the side. "I mean, I'd love that."

"Great. We'll meet you at the Big Apple Bistro at eight?"

"Sure. I'll see you then, but I'm going to go home right now, if you don't mind." He nodded a quick goodbye and began to bound down the stairs. Almost immediately, he was swarmed by reporters. He tried his best to be silent, but had to stop when he heard one say,

"Excuse me, Counselor, but what makes this a hate crime?"

He chuckled quietly and turned to face the man who asked it.

"What makes this a hate crime? Sir, it's gay men being targeted, simply for being gay. I've seen plenty of hate crimes in my career, and this clearly is one. Jon Warren is a homophobe, and that's all there is to it. He and Risa Solano targeted gay men who also went to church. That's all the motivation for this crime was." With that, he pushed through the rest of the press and hailed a cab.

 

The Carisis watched the entire exchange from the courthouse steps. Teresa and Bella were talking to their parents, but Gina stood beside Sonny, squeezing his hand.

"Hey, Sonny?"

"Yeah?"

"What's actually going on with you and Barba?" Gina looked so much younger than him, despite the difference being only a few years. Sonny sighed.

"I'm not really sure. We were...sleeping together before I got, y'know, and I kinda started to have feelings for him. He was coming to my hotel room to tell me he had feelings for me when he found...and we haven't really talked about what, y'know, we _are._ "

"So in the hospital, when I said he was cute, and I asked if he was gay..."

"He's not, I think he's bi or something, but yeah. It was kinda weird."

"Shoot, I'm sorry, Sonny. If I'd known, I-"

"Relax, Gina. You didn't know. You couldn't have."

"Do Mom and Dad know?" Sonny groaned.

"No, they don't. When did life get so complicated?"

"I think it was about when a rapist and murderer left a message saying he was coming for you carved into the body of one of his victims." Sonny stared at her for a minute, then burst out laughing, disrupted with the occasional wince.

"Ow."


	10. Blood Is Thicker Than Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is probably going to be finished up within a few more chapters, so if anyone has an idea for either a sequel to this fic or a freestanding fic, let me know in the comments! If I use it, I'll give you co-creator credit!! Thank you!!
> 
> PS: I'll do Barisi, Barson, Barba x Original Character, or Carisi x Original Character, but if you ask me to do Rollisi, you're getting blocked.

"Nice to see you again, Vivian. Dominick." Barba shook the hands of both of Sonny's parents again. He slid in next to Sonny in the red vinyl booth, smoothing his tie down. He sat across from Vivian. They made uncomfortable eye contact for a few seconds before glancing down at the laminated menus on the table. Nobody spoke. Sonny's one good leg bounced up and down, jostling the table. Vivian looked down at their hands, resting on the table mere centimeters apart.

"So," Sonny said, looking nervously back and forth between his mother and Rafael. "How, uh, how long are you guys going to stay in the city?"  
  
"We'll probably head home after dinner."  
  
"-But we can stay if you want us to," Gina interjected.  
  
"No, no, you don't have to stay." Sonny waved his hand. "I'll call and let you know what the jury says." He unconsciously rubbed a hand over his injured ribs.  
  
"I'm confident that the jury will convict," Barba said decisively.  
  
"How? How can you be so sure, Mr. Barba?" Bella asked, squeezing her brother's other hand.  
  
"Same way I was sure we'd get Tommy's parole officer. Because I know what I'm doing." Gina giggled.  
  
"Humble, Mr. Barba."  
  
"Please, lose the Mr. Just Barba is fine." Teresa pushed up her cat-eye glasses onto the bridge of her nose.  
  
"Sure. So, Barba, when did you meet my little brother?"

"Let's see. It was almost two years ago. One of his first days, back when he still had that awful mustache-"

"I liked my mustache!"

"You were the only one who did. Anyway, SVU was investigating an underage prostitution ring. I came over to show the squad some pictures of the guys taking these girls from this village in Mexico, and they saw their suspect. Most of them went to go get him, but they left the rookie behind." He pointed at Sonny. "I was about to leave when he offered me some coffee. The Cuban kind. It's my weakness. I took it, and we sat down. He told me about his night school law classes at Fordham, I gave him some advice, and then I left. I wouldn't say we were really friends, yet, though, would you?"

"God, no. I thought you hated me up until about three weeks ago." The younger group all laughed.

"And the first time you slept together?" Vivian snapped, interrupting. There was a pause, and everyone was deadly silent.

"Excuse me, Ma?" Sonny asked, the smile not quite gone from his face.

"You heard me. You told me he wasn't your...your _boyfriend._ But I can see the looks. I saw you holding hands earlier. I'm not stupid or blind, Sonny, and I-"

"I should go-" Barba started to stand.

"No, sit-" Sonny pulled him back down.

"-I thought I was okay with this, but I'm not okay with you lying to me! Why did you have to do this, Sonny?" There were tears streaming down her face now, and her husband reached over, trying to calm her.

"Do what, Ma?"

"Why'd you have to go to that bar? Why couldn't you have just stayed away? This isn't how we raised you, Sonny."

"Why'd I...?" Sonny's face went completely still and even, completely devoid of emotion. It was not an expression Rafael was used to seeing. He looked his mother up and down once, then grabbed his crutches, hauled himself up, and hobbled toward the exit. Barba looked after him, then back at his mother.

"Why would you say that?" He asked, standing up.

"Because it's true-"

"No! Just because you were surprised by this doesn't give you the right to blame him! He went to that bar because he felt lost. He wanted to be around people like him. And it doesn't help to have his own mother yelling at him for something he would probably change if he could, because straight people don't get yelled at by their mother, and they don't get kidnapped and beaten, and they don't get blamed for who they love!" He finished his speech, breathing heavily, and looked up toward the exit. Sonny was standing halfway between their table and the door, and as he locked eyes with Barba, he limped back over, and without saying a word, put one hand on each side of Rafael's face, kissing him deeply. Rafael stood on his tiptoes and wrapped his arms around Sonny. When they finally broke away, Barba smiled patronizingly down at Vivian.

"Goodbye, Vivian. I hope you come to your senses." He and Sonny left then, out the front door. Only when they were outside did they realize that all three sisters and Sonny's father had left with them.

"Dad, you didn't have to-"

"Sonny, your mother's not thinking straight. But that doesn't mean I have to agree with her." Dominick turned to Barba. "You've taken good care of my son these last few weeks. Defended him more than I've seen anyone do since Bella in middle school. So I can't see any reason you're not good for Sonny."

"Thank you. I try my best." Dominick looked over his shoulder forlornly.

"I'd better go see if Viv's ready to leave. I doubt she'll want to talk to me, but otherwise she's going to have to take a cab all the way home." Sonny wrapped his father in a one-armed hug.

"Thanks, Pop. Love you."

"Love you too, Sonny." Sonny kissed his father's cheek once, and then let him go, watching him walk back into the restaurant. Rafael turned to the sisters.

"Why did you follow us?" They shrugged in unison.

"Sonny's our brother," Teresa offered.

"Always has been-"

"-always will be." Bella finished. "Sonny's always going to be my best friend, Barba. Take good care of him."

"I will." Barba was hugged by each of the women before they followed their father back inside. At last, Sonny turned to him. The gratitude on his face was obvious, but there was something else. Tears sprung up in the corners of his eyes, and Barba hardly had enough time to lean forwards and catch him as he dropped his crutches, crumbling at his one bendable knee. He collapsed forwards, and Rafael wrapped his arms around him to steady him. His shoulders quaked as he wept, clutching at Rafael's suit jacket. Barba moved slowly until they were in front of a wooden bench, next to a bike rack, and pulled Sonny down, his face still resting on Barba's shoulder. Rafael ran a hand softly over Sonny's hair, whispering soothingly.

 _"Cálmate,_ Sonny, _cálmate._ _"_ Eventually, Sonny did calm down. His turquoise-colored eyes were rimmed in red, and he wouldn't make eye contact. He just sat, wringing his hands, until he finally spoke.

"Thanks, Raf."

"What for?"

"For letting my mom have it. I don't think I would have been able to do that."

"You don't have to. That's why you have me."

"Do I?"

"Do you what?" Rafael looked puzzled.

"Do I have you? Really? We- we never did talk about it. After I got back. What we are."

"What do you mean, what we are?"

"It's like you said earlier. You called us friends and coworkers because we never talked about what our relationship is. Maybe...maybe we should."

"Sonny, I can't-"

"Let me guess, you can't do this? Rafael, I've been to hell and back these past few weeks. If anyone here can't do it, it's me. And yet, here we are. Just sit down and talk to me."

Barba ran a nervous hand over his face, trying to stop the shaking that had hardly left it for weeks. "Fine, Sonny. Let's talk about it."

"Okay... What is it that you want? From this?"

"I'm not sure, Sonny, I-" Sonny rolled his eyes.

"You don't know what you want? Seriously? God, you're just incapable of having this conversation, aren't you?"

"What? No, Sonny, I-"

"Forget it. I'll get my own cab. Call me when the jury comes back."

"Sonny, please-" But it was too late. Sonny had already hailed the nearest cab and tossed his crutches in the backseat. With a tiny, disaffected wave, he slid in, and the cab drove off, leaving Barba alone, wondering if all he'd done for the past two weeks had been worth it.

Of course it had.

He just had to prove it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is probably going to be finished up within a few more chapters, so if anyone has an idea for either a sequel to this fic or a freestanding fic, let me know in the comments! If I use it, I'll give you co-creator credit!! Thank you!!
> 
> PS: I'll do Barisi, Barson, Barba x Original Character, or Carisi x Original Character, but if you ask me to do Rollisi, you're getting blocked.


	11. Hola y Adios

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is probably going to be finished up within a few more chapters, so if anyone has an idea for either a sequel to this fic or a freestanding fic, let me know in the comments! If I use it, I'll give you co-creator credit!! Thank you!!
> 
> PS: I'll do Barisi, Barson, Barba x Original Character, or Carisi x Original Character, but if you ask me to do Rollisi, you're getting blocked.

Sonny couldn't sleep. Not just because of the insomnia, not because of how hot and goddamn itchy his cast was, or the fact that Kenny was still with Rollins. He couldn't sleep because he knew that it wasn't quite Rafael's fault that he couldn't sit down and want a relationship. But it wasn't Sonny's fault, either. And he couldn't quite see how Raf could get up and berate his mother, then kiss him in front of everybody, and not be able to commit. He rolled over and picked up his phone, typing out a quick text.  
  
_ADA Barba_  
  
_10:36 p.m._  
  
_I'm sorry. Meet me for coffee outside the precinct tmrw?_  
  
There was barely a few seconds before the little typing bubble popped up.  
  
_Sure._  
  
Damn. Such a blunt and brief message only meant one thing. Rafael was angry. Sonny was angry. Vivian was angry. Was there anyone in the world who wasn't angry?  
  
   
  
As a matter of fact, yes, there was. Noah Benson sat on his Uncle Rafa's knee, giggling as he was bounced up and down.  
  
"Alright, sweet boy, it's time for bed. Say night-night to Uncle Rafa." Olivia pointed at Barba.  
  
"Night-night," said Noah through the tiny fist that he had shoved halfway in his mouth. Fifteen minutes later, Olivia returned and got down two glasses from the top shelf in her kitchen cabinet. She poured red wine into each of them and handed one to her good friend, who took a shaky sip.  
  
"You gonna tell me what happened, or are you just going to sit there and look stressed?" She asked, a playful smirk twitching up the edges of her lips.  
  
"Both."  
  
"Let me guess: the most recent source of angst for you. Carisi?"  
  
"Got it in one." Barba gulped his wine.  
  
"Slow down, Raf."  
  
"Can't. Too stressed."  
  
"Right. And why is that?"  
  
"Why do you sound like your therapist?"  
  
"Because you don't have a therapist. Although, you probably should."  
  
"That's not the issue here. The issue is that I am very, very confused."  
  
"About?"  
  
"Carisi basically asked me to be his boyfriend tonight. I just- I panicked. I told him I couldn't do it. He got angry, which he has every right to do, but-"  
  
"Calm down." Barba breathed deeply and resumed.  
  
"But I honestly don't know what to do anymore, Liv."  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Yes, you do. I'll ask again, what do you want?" Barba sighed and hung his head.  
  
"Sonny. I want Sonny. I want to wake up next to him every morning, and not just drink coffee awkwardly in the kitchen. I want a drawer at his place, and for him to have one at mine. I want-"  
  
"-a relationship." Rafael shrugged. "Rafa, that's the definition of a relationship. What's so hard about just telling Sonny what you just told me?"

"What if he-"

"He's not going to reject you, Rafael. That's the best part of this. He's the one who came to you."

"Yeah. Right." Barba scoffed. "I haven't had a real relationship in twenty years, Liv. Not since law school."

"That makes it about damn time you did, then."

"Yeah? What about you? You haven't dated anyone since Cassidy left." Olivia narrowed her eyes and smiled ruefully.

"Low blow, Raf. Even for you."

"Sorry, Liv. I think I'm just a little bit too worked up for this. I'll go."

"I think that's a good idea."

"Thanks for the drink," Raf muttered as he grabbed his coat from the coat rack. Olivia said nothing and just stared into her glass. As soon as he was out the door, he slumped against the wall. In less than two hours, he screwed up his relationships with the two best people in his life. At moments like this, there was only one more person he could talk to. Someone that he could never screw up with. He pulled out his phone and found his one favorited number.

_" ¿Mamí?"_

"Rafi? _¿ Eres tú?" _

"Yeah, _Mamí._ It's me."

"What's going on, _mijo?_ It's so late?" Lucia yawned as if to prove her point.

"I know, _Mamí._ I know. I just needed to talk to you."

"What's this about, Rafi?"

"I messed up. I messed everything up."

"Is this about that boy I saw you on TV with? The Italian one?"

"Yes, _Mamí."_

"You love him, don't you, Rafi?"

"I don't know, but I think I might have screwed up my only chance with him. And do you remember Olivia Benson? My friend, the lieutenant?"

 _"Sí._ You two are close, right?"

"We were, but I think I screwed that up too. I don't know what to do anymore, _Mamí."_

"I do. Rafael, you've never been what your _abuelita_ would call _una persona sociable._ You had a mouth on you, from the day you could first speak. It always got you in trouble."

"Yes, I remember. What's your point?"

"Well, being a smartass works for you in court, but it was never good for keeping friends. Do you remember what _abuelita_ told you when you came home crying in fourth grade because Hector Oliviera didn't want to be your friend because you were too mean?" Rafael paused and sighed, thinking back.

"She said, _'Nieto,_ it doesn't matter what an _idiota_ someone else is. Calling them an _idiota_ won't make them less of one. It just makes you sound like you think you're better than them. You can't change other people. You can only change your perception of them.'"

"And you did. You stopped mouthing off, at least for a little while. And your life got better."

"Jesus, _Mamí._ I almost forgot about that."

"Well, remember it. Do you want me to come down to the courthouse tomorrow?"

"Sure, _Mamí._ I'd like that."

"Okay, _mijo. Adios."_

_"Adios."_

While Rafael didn't necessarily feel better, or more confident, he knew his mother was right. His snark and cynicism made being an ADA easier. It made life a lot harder.

Back at his apartment, he passed out almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. The sooner he got a chance to apologize to Sonny, the better. The longer he had to wait, the worse the sinking feeling in his stomach grew.

 

Generally, Sonny didn't go out for coffee. He liked his own coffee. So did Rafael. And yet, asking Raf to meet him at his apartment seemed too weird given their interaction the previous night. So, he shuffled haltingly down to the curb in front of his building and hailed a cab. His leg cast wouldn't come off for another two or so weeks, and he was starting to get frustrated with his lack of mobility. Benson had let him come back to work, but was leaving him to desk duty. He got to the café before Rafael and sat down to wait. And wait. And wait.

He was about to stand and leave when a pair of pristine black leather dress shoes appeared across from him. His eyes followed them past perfectly-fitted charcoal gray pants and a well-matched, but not identical, pocket square and tie combo.

"You're late," he said sharply.

"I know, I'm sorry. I overslept." Sonny raised an eyebrow.

"Overslept? You haven't overslept in two months."

"I don't know if you noticed, but I haven't gotten a lot of sleep these last few weeks, Sonny."

"I'm sorry if I'm such a deadweight, Barba," Sonny sneered. Rafael cringed at his stinging tone.

"You're not." Barba shifted from one foot to the other uncomfortably. "Can I get you something?"

"I can get it myself, y'know. I'm not completely incapable."

"Oh my God, Sonny, I'm trying to be nice!" Sonny faltered.

"I know you are. That was unfair. I'd love just a black coffee." Barba chuckled quietly.

"I still don't understand how you can love those sugary pastries so much, but not sugary coffee."

"They go well, together, Raf! I've explained this to you at least a dozen times." The grin on Sonny's face betrayed the bitterness in his voice.

"Right. I'll be right back." As he watched Barba walk away, Sonny felt a little bit of weight leave his shoulders. He should have known he couldn't hold this grudge for that long. True to his word, Rafael returned just a few minutes later with a paper cup in each hand. "Here." He handed one of them to Sonny and they drank in silence for a minute.

"I'm sorry about yesterday, Raf. It wasn't your fault. I just thought...I mean, we practically gave up on secrecy after you rescued me. I figured that meant something, but it didn't, and that's fine-"

"You weren't wrong either. It did mean something, but I- God, this is going to sound stupid, but-"

"No different from anything else you say, then?"

"Shut up, Sonny. As I was saying, this is going to sound stupid, but I figured I was just going to be single for the rest of my life. I'm forty-five, Sonny. My job is my life. All my friends I've either lost contact with or I only see at work. I don't have time to meet new people. And then you showed up, and you were absolutely the most insensitive, callous, graceless-"

"Wow, showering me with compliments, huh?"

"-and yet talented officer I'd seen in a long time. And you became less insensitive, less callous, less graceless. And now, you're the bravest, kindest, and strongest person I know. At first, I thought, 'I'm too good for him', which was an unfair assessment, but in case you haven't noticed, I'm kind of-"

"-an asshole."

"...sure. But now, all I can think is, 'he's too good for me.' Because you are."

"Seriously? Raf, if there's one thing you should have learned by now, it's that you should let me make my own goddamn decisions."

"Ha. I suppose you're right." Sonny leaned as far forwards as he could without hurting his ribs, and held out his hand.

"I usually am." Rafael took his hand and squeezed it gently.

"We should get going. Opening statements are at ten."

"Oh, crap. Let's get going. Just, uh, just one thing before we go." Sonny struggled to his feet.

"What's that?" Without a word, Sonny wrapped a hand behind Barba's neck and kissed him quickly and fiercely. "Oh. That."

 

"All rise," announced the bailiff as the honorable judge Elana Barth entered the courtroom.

"You may now present your closing statements, counselors. Mr. Buchanan?" Buchanan stood, giving Barba the evil eye before turning a charming smile to the jury.

"Mr. Barba wants to convince you that my client is some undercover gay-basher. But the truth is, there's no hate crime aspect here. In fact, my client is not the guilty one here. He just came across Mr. Carisi while looking through his own basement. As far as I know, that's not a crime. Now, my heart aches for Mr. Carisi, that this had to happen to him, and to all the other victims. But Mr. Barba cannot prove my client did this, so he is trying to make him out to be hateful and violent. But my client is a gay man himself. He has owned two gay bars, and despite the fact that he attends a catholic church, he enjoys his job and he just wants to be himself. Besides, Mr. Barba's relationship with Mr. Carisi gives him an incredibly unfair and prejudiced bias against the truth, which is that my client has not kidnapped, raped, or murdered a person in his life." Buchanan turned his venomous grin at Barba. "Thank you, Your Honor. Nothing further." Buchanan sat back down.

"Mr. Barba?" Barba scanned the jury, face rigid and shoulders back. He began to pace towards them, one hand slid deep into his pocket.

"As much as Mr. Buchanan and Mr. Warren think that there's not enough evidence that Mr. Warren kidnapped, raped, and murdered four people, then kidnapped and attempted to rape and murder Sonny Carisi. The defense wants to use my personal life as a reason not to convict, but my personal life has nothing to do with this. Mr. Warren, however, is an entirely different story. We have found evidence that he was at every single one of these crime scenes, and he has tried to duck and weave around every single piece of evidence. Mr. Warren may not be lying about his sexuality, but it doesn't matter. This was a hate crime. These men were beaten, tortured, raped, kidnapped, and killed because they loved someone Mr. Warren believes they should not. If you don't convict this man, he will do it again. He has the world's best cover, but the detectives at SVU poked holes in it, because that's all it is. A cover. A cover for a man who calls himself a 'warrior of God', who believes he is allowed to take justice into his own hands. A cover for a man who needs to be put away for his crimes, so that what happened to Sonny, Rusty, Jason, Porter, and Tanner never has to happen to anyone again. Ever. Nothing further." He sat and glared at Buchanan, who glared right back.

"Thank you, counselors. Jury members, the time for deliberation has begun. You will all be sequestered until you reach a decision. Remember, you all must believe that Mr. Warren is guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. I wish you luck."

 

Outside the courtroom, Rafael found his mother. _"Mamí._ I wasn't sure you'd come."

"Of course I came, Rafi. You did well up there. You were always so smart." He wrapped his arms around his mother, who buried her face in his hair, planting a kiss on top of his head. "Come on, let's go find Sonny. I think I met him last time I was in town, but I'd like to meet him again. As your boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend, _Mamí."_ Lucia laughed warmly.

"Sure, _mijo."_

 

They found Sonny waiting just outside the courtroom on a bench next to Rollins and Fin. Rollins had a phone to her ear and was chatting quietly. When Rafael and Lucia approached, she covered the receiver with one hand.

"Amaro called. He saw the news." She stood up and slipped out to a quieter spot. Fin followed her.

"Nice to see you again, _Señora_ Barba." Sonny moved to stand, but Lucia motioned for him to stay sitting.

"No, don't get up. It's nice to see you, too, Detective Carisi."

"Please, call me Sonny."

"Sure. So, Sonny, you're the one my son can't stop talking about." Sonny suppressed a smile.

"Is that so?" He and Rafael shared a glance.

 _"Mamí,_ please."

"What? I'm just making small talk, Rafi."

"Whatever you say," Rafael said wryly.

Just then, his phone buzzed. He pulled it out, and his eyes widened in shock.

"What? What's going on, Rafael?" Sonny looked up at him with concern in his eyes.

"The jury. They're back already." He bit his lip. "Damnit."

"Hey, hey." Sonny stood, gripping Barba's shoulder. "Maybe it's not a bad sign. We just have to go and see." Rafael looked back and forth between Sonny and his mother, breathing shakily.

"Yeah, yeah. We just..." he trailed off, then cleared his throat. "We'll just have to see." Sonny smiled and kissed him chastely on the cheek.

"Let's go, then."

 

Inside the courtroom was not a pretty sight. The gallery was over half empty, just SVU detectives and the Carisi family, minus Vivian. On Jon's side, there was almost no one. Buchanan and Jon whispered back and forth excitedly. Benson sat at the very back, and when Barba passed, she gave him a sad half-smile. Barba sat down, leaving Sonny and his mother to sit with his family. Even Judge Barth looked nervous.

"Madam Forewoman, has the jury reached a verdict?" The forewoman, who was just over middle age and had been Barba's first pick, stood, wringing her hands.

"Yes, we have. On all four counts of rape in the first degree, we find the defendant, Jon Warren, guilty. On all four counts of murder in the first degree, accompanied by the hate crime statute, we find the defendant guilty. On all five counts of kidnapping, we find the defendant guilty. On one count of attempted rape, we find the defendant guilty. On one count of attempted murder with the attached hate crime statute, we find the defendant guilty."

"Thank you, members of the jury. Barring any holds, you're dismissed. The state of New York thanks you for your service..." As the judge continued to speak, time seemed to slow around Rafael. He saw Buchanan's anticipation turn to disappointment, Warren's hopefulness to rage, the Carisi's anxiety to relief. He even saw Olivia's shoulders release. Just as soon as the slow motion had begun, it ended, and the courtroom was filled with cheers. Without so much as a moment, Barba pushed out into the gallery, found Sonny, and flung his arms around him, almost knocking him off his crutches. He buried his face in Sonny's chest, sobbing.

"Hey, what's wrong? We won!" Sonny cried cheerfully.

"I know," Rafael remarked, his eyes still filled with tears. "There's absolutely nothing wrong here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is probably going to be finished up within a few more chapters, so if anyone has an idea for either a sequel to this fic or a freestanding fic, let me know in the comments! If I use it, I'll give you co-creator credit!! Thank you!!
> 
> PS: I'll do Barisi, Barson, Barba x Original Character, or Carisi x Original Character, but if you ask me to do Rollisi, you're getting blocked.


	12. At The End Of The Day

At the end of the day, all Sonny wanted to do was go home, back to his cluttered, tiny apartment, with Rafael, and take a break. So, they planned to do just that the following night. They passed the entryway where Sonny had caught a cab so many times after spending the night, his skin still on fire from Rafael's last touch. They rose the elevator they rode up together so many evenings, fighting so hard to keep their hands to themselves. They walked down the hallway where they so often gave up on fighting, giving in to each other. Sonny glanced with a smirk at the security camera Buchanan had pulled the footage of them together from. It didn't matter anymore. Finally, they stood in the threshold, pushing open the wooden door with the chipped paint, giving way to a darkness. And then, all of a sudden, light.

"SURPRISE!" Shouted their friends, family, and coworkers, jumping out from behind any and all surfaces they could hide behind.

"Jesus Christ, I almost had a heart attack!" Sonny leaned against the door frame, feigning dizziness, his superb acting skills only betrayed by the wide, toothy grin on his face. "Did you know about this, Raf?" 

"Of course I did, why else would I have invited you over to my place for the entire day?"

"I thought it was for what we actually were doing while we were-" They were interrupted by Olivia clearing her throat. "Right, sorry." Sonny looked Rafael up and down. "I guess that does explain the clothes." In place of his usual three-piece suit, Barba was wearing a navy blue sweater over a white button down, and khakis.

"I didn't think the cashmere was the best choice." Rafael nudged Sonny out of the doorway and shut the door behind them. "Let's get this party started, shall we?" He asked, reaching for one of the numerous unopened bottles of champagne on the kitchen counter. He elegantly popped the cork, grabbed two glasses, filled them, and handed one to Sonny, who downed it in one go.

"Hell yeah!"

 

With that, the party had started. Sonny gravitated toward the middle of the room, like he did at most parties, while Barba stuck to the outer edges. He sipped his champagne, a small smile quirking up the corners of his mouth. He was so distracted watching Sonny that he didn't notice Olivia next to him until she spoke.

"You got the guy."

"I got the guy." He turned to face her. "Liv, what I said before, I shouldn't have. I'm sorry. It gets hard to turn it off between work and life, and when work and life overlap, it-" He sighed. "It's even harder. That's no excuse, though."

"No, it isn't. But I get it. You had your own stuff going on. I know I've done the same thing before." She held out her right hand, offering. He clasped it and shook it firmly. "I missed you, Rafa. If only for two days." She pulled him into a tight hug.

"I missed you too, Liv." As they broke away, Rafael reached to refill his glass. "I'll be right back." He made his way through the crowds of people (who knew Sonny had so many friends?) and to the center of the room. He cleared his throat. "Excuse me! Quiet down!" A few people near him turned to look, but nothing much happened. Thankfully, Sonny was one of them, and turned around, raising his voice.

"Hey, everybody! Listen up!" A hush fell over the crowd. With a thankful grin, Rafael stepped up so he was standing on the coffee table, looking around at everyone.

"Hello. Um, for those of you that don't know me, my name is Rafael Barba. I work with Sonny, and I want to just say a few words about him. For those of you that know us, you know that Sonny and I have had an...interesting relationship over the past year. At first, I didn't even like him. I thought he was rude, callous, and all-around, kind of a jerk. But as I got to know him, I saw deeper than that. I saw a man who cares about his family, who wants justice for the people who can't get it, and who would do anything to make sure that happened. He's still a rude, callous, jerk sometimes, but now he's more than that. He's kind. He's smart. And most of all, he stares death in the face with a grin. He just went through one of the toughest things any person can do, and he not only survived, but thrived. I am so proud of you, _mi cariño._ To Sonny!" He raised his glass high in the air as the assembled crowd echoed his sentiments. He hopped off the table, pressing a quick kiss to Sonny's cheek.

As he turned to greet Sonny's sisters, a familiar voice wafted high above the crowd.

"I want to thank you all for coming," Sonny said, balancing delicately on his crutches. "I'm so lucky to have all of you in my corner. But there is one person in particular I want to thank. ADA Rafael Barba." At the sound his name, Rafael whirled around to see Sonny looking right at him. Sonny continued, "When I first saw my name on TV, all I wanted to do was hide from everyone. That wasn't the way I ever imagined that part of my life coming to light. But then Rafael showed up. Apparently we weren't as subtle with our carryin' on as we thought, because Lieutenant Benson knew immediately who to call. I'm glad she did, too. I could never have faced my family without him. Most of my family is here tonight." His voice choked up as he looked at the empty space behind his sisters, where his mother usually was.

"And so are most of my friends. I couldn't have asked for a better group of people. I remember, in the basement, I was sitting there, and all I could think was, 'I'm about to die.' I was ready to go. I had already made my peace with God. But then I heard these footsteps. Running. I thought maybe Jon had come back to finish me off, but then I opened my eyes, and I just saw Rafael in an NYPD bulletproof vest sprinting towards me, and then all I could think was, 'This must be heaven.' When I thought there was no better feeling than waking up in the hospital and seeing him there, I was sorely mistaken, because there was absolutely no better feeling than watching him defend my honor in the courtroom. I was a victim, but I refuse to be anymore, because of the actions of Rafael Barba. Thank you, Raf. I owe you one." Sonny raised his glass in a toast. "To Rafael Barba!"

"To Rafael Barba!" Repeated their friends. Barba pushed his way through the crowd before they could disperse, and stood on the coffee table, so he was even taller than Sonny.

"Sonny, you owe me nothing."

"Really? Nothing? Not even this?" Sonny grinned and laughed as he ran his fingers through Rafael's hair, kissing him sweetly.

"Oh. Well, maybe that," Rafael responded cheekily, and leaned down for another kiss. He stepped down off the table and together, they made a beeline for the other Carisis, who had assembled by the front door. "Leaving already?" He asked, lacing his fingers with Sonny's.

"We'd like to stay, but we should get home to Vivian." At the mention of his mother, Sonny squeezed Rafael's hand tighter.

"Look, Sonny-" Gina started, but was interrupted by Teresa.

"She'll come around eventually. We'll let you know when she does, but we were thinking until then, we should move our Sunday night dinners to my place. It's still on the island, so you have a reason to come home, but you don't have to see her." Sonny nodded.

"Thanks, T. I'll see you then." He kissed each of his sisters on the cheek and said goodbye, never letting go of Rafael's hand. Finally, only Dominick was left. He leaned in so only Rafael could hear, and whispered:

"Take care of my son, Mr. Barba," to which Barba responded,

"I wouldn't dream of letting him go." They shook hands, and Dominick Sr. departed.

"What was that all about?" Sonny asked when he was gone.

"Nothing, Sonny. But hey, I have a surprise for you." Sonny rolled his eyes.

"Another surprise? Fair warning, Raf, I don't like surprises."

"Shh. This is a good one, I promise." He led Sonny into the narrow hallway to his bedroom and opened the bedroom door. A black-and-tan flash bolted out of the room, almost escaping before Rafael scooped him up, showering him with kisses. "Who's a good boy, Kenny? Are you a good boy?" Sonny bounced happily, leaning against the wall. He held out his arms, and Kenny practically leaped out of Rafael's into his, licking his face.

"I don't quite get it, Raf. It's still going to be two weeks before my ribs and my leg are okay again." Rafael nodded and squeezed his hand.

"I know, so I thought maybe you'd like some help with Kenny."

"What, like a dog walker?"

"No, like a boyfriend. Come stay with me until you're back to normal. I'll help you take care of Kenny, and it'll make life a lot easier for you." Sonny just stood completely still, an expression of euphoric shock frozen on his face. "Sonny? What's wrong?" Rafael shook his arm.

"Nothing, just...you called yourself my boyfriend. Does that mean-"

"It does. Now, can we not make a big deal-" Sonny whooped loudly.

"I've got my first boyfriend! Take that, Susie Carnell, who broke up with me in the third grade because I had too many female friends!"

"Okay, yikes." Sonny snickered, setting Kenny down on the floor. Silently, Rafael took two steps forward, cornering Sonny against the wall. Ever so gently, he placed his hands on Sonny's collarbone, leaning forward until their lips were just barely touching.

"Is this real life?" He mumbled into Sonny. Sonny smiled against him and pushed forward, their lips meeting so softly and warmly. It was a short kiss, but one that said so much. When Sonny pulled away, he gave Rafael an affectionate half-smile, tracing light circles onto the back of his hand with his thumb.

"If it isn't, I'm never waking up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! Thanks so much for reading. It's been a journey, and I have a few more ideas for my next fic. If you like any of these, or have another idea, let me know in the comments. Thanks!!
> 
> 1\. Sonny wakes up in an Atlantic City hotel room with a massive hangover, an ass tattoo, Rollins asleep in his tub, and an undeveloped disposable camera full of evidence of whatever happened last night and has to retrace his steps to figure out what happened, and to find his boyfriend.
> 
> 2\. Bella and Tommy invite Barba to their wedding. He doesn't want to go, but then the image of Sonny in a tux pops into his head.
> 
> 3\. A new ADA starts flirting with Barba, who starts flirting back, innocently. But is the new ADA just as innocent?
> 
> 4\. Barba and Carisi actually met a few years before Carisi started at Manhattan SVU. Barba remembers. Carisi doesn't.
> 
> 5\. After the events of the s17 finale, the death threats escalate to actual violence and Carisi has to stay with Barba 24/7. 
> 
> Thanks again, and let me know if you have any other ideas, or which one of these is your favorite!!


	13. SEQUEL

Hey, so I'm thinking about writing a sequel to In A Flash taking place after the s17 finale where Barba's still getting death threats and it gets violent, but I'm not sure what the premise for their relationship should be. It can either be:  
  
1\. They're still together and it's got lots of domestic fluff and also jealousy and angst  
  
2\. They're broken up and it's got a lot of jealousy and angst  
  
  
COMMENT YOUR OPINIONS BELOW THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!


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